With same-sex marriage having become legal in England and Wales last weekend, QX spoke to gay men across London about their experiences of the bill being passed. Is this moment one of the greatest triumphs for the gay community? Or is it simply an empty appeasement? And what does marriage mean to you personally? Alongside one of the happy couples who got married at the weekend, a cross-section of gay London gives its opinions…
By Patrick Cash
Clinical psychologist Doc Monaco, 46, and his partner Aaron Erhab, 23, a pHD student at UCL, were among the first same-sex couples to get married last weekend. Here, Doc speaks to QX about marriage…
Why did you decide to get married on the weekend of the law passing?
For me, I’m a bit older than my partner, so I didn’t think getting married was ever going to be an option in my lifetime – to actually be regular, ‘full’ married. And for my partner, who’s a bit younger, he had just come out over the past year and a half of our relationship, so for him it was like reclaiming his identity in the community. So we were very excited, but for different reasons, I think.
And what does marriage mean to you?
It means a lot to me, both because it’s having the same rights and the full rights as everyone else, but for me, I think, it also means for everyone who comes after now, more of an acceptance in society. We’re just like everyone else. We should have the same rights as everyone else and it’s okay to be gay.
You see it as a greater integration?
I don’t know if ‘integration’ is the right word, perhaps ‘normalisation’, so that there won’t be any more bullying and people won’t have to be ashamed of being gay.
Do you see this law as a huge step forward for the gay community in general, then?
Absolutely. Not only just to get the rights of marriage but also to get more acceptance in the world, really.
The Gay Scene Speaks: Reactions to Same-Sex Marriage Passing
It’s great news and much overdue. Complete equality is not a favour. It’s a right and no democratic country should settle for anything less. All I need now is for my partner to ask me and I will most DEFINITELY avail myself of it!
Dusty O, Trannyshack
Wednesday evenings, 10pm-3am, at Madame Jojo’s, 8-10 Brewer Street, Soho, W1F 0SE
We’ve gone from being demonized as grossly indecent to consecrated as caring and acceptable; and we’ve both gained and lost ground in that political journey. Personally, marriage of any kind isn’t for me, but obviously it is only correct that we have equal rights and pretty much equal marriage (there are differences legally; for one thing hetero and gay marriage are two separate acts of law). To deny our right to marriage seemed glaringly Medieval, which is ironic seeing as up until the Thirteenth Century the Roman Catholic Church happily ‘married’ gay men. Those interested in the surprisingly long history of gay marriage should read Same-Sex Unions in Pre-Modern Europe by John Boswell.
Uli Lenart, Gay’s the Word Bookshop
66 Marchmont Street, Bloomsbury, WC1N 1AB
I am so happy to live to see the day when same-sex marriage is allowed. I was raised by two lesbians in a small town in Australia where this was frowned upon. Now it is socially acceptable. The same-sex marriage bill recognizes that the love of same sex couples is just as valid as hetero couples. I am already in a civil partnership the past 3 years. When I can afford a big wedding I would love to get married.
Chris Amos, Manbar
79 Charing Cross Road, Soho, WC2H 0NE
Same-sex marriage is socially important in this country in terms of equality, as well as a great signifier of unity and hope for those being persecuted across the world because of their sexuality. Who knows how this law will be looked back upon in future and I am sure there will be good and bad reactions to it, and the social change it will bring. But let’s celebrate that we are one step closer to everyone being equal, even if it is just at a legal level, and let history take care of its self. LOVE.
Lyall Hakaraia, Vogue Fabrics
66 Stoke Newington Road, Dalston, N16 7XB
I’m more interested in diversity, not a hetero-normative patriarchal false equality. I embrace change and the new, celebrate difference, the plural and polyamory. I want to be refreshed, rejuvenated, recharged, revitalized, not offered a different version of the same, not a New Normal but a diverse, alternative and political future.
Richard Sawdon Smith, Photographer
Although marriage for those who choose this expression is welcome, it should not detract from the validation, encouragement and celebration of consenting queer relationships, in all expressions, be it with one, multiple people or none. Marriage is tied to a particular set-up and as an institution is not wholly positive, the passing this weekend I do not view as a leap forward and should not stop the continued exploration of all forms of consenting adult relationships being equally valid and for those who elect not to be in a relationship.
Anton Smith, Left Front Art
I share the feminist critique of marriage. I would not want to get married. But as a democrat, I defend the right of others to make that choice. I believe in the principle that we should all be equal before the law; that homophobic discrimination is wrong and should be overturned. Banning LGBT people from marriage was anti-gay discrimination. That’s why I fought to overturn it.
Peter Tatchell
www.petertatchellfoundation.org
I came out back in the 1980s and never dreamed how far gay rights and equality would come, it’s truly amazing. It’s important that we never take these advances for granted nor forget those who have fought tirelessly and relentlessly to get us to this point in history.
Gary Henshaw, Ku Bar
30 Lisle Street, Chinatown, WC2H 7BA.
25 Frith Street, WC1D 5LB
Marriage isn’t a word – it’s a sentence, as we used to say in the anti-establishment way back when. Last weekend we gained most legal equalities and because marriage is supposed to be about ‘lurve’, squishy-squashy sentiment became dominant. For most of its history, marriage was a property contract unaffordable to most people, who were nearly all peasants, but now it is just seen to be soooo romantic, and it would be churlish to laugh at the genuine pleasure it gives people. We churls must take our pleasure in the no-less-genuine distress it brings to our enemies. I still prefer the idea of the state registered partnership… It is honest and has dignity. Those who want marriage can have different battles with their faiths. But these are days the peasants didn’t even dream on. Wedding cake, anyone?
David Pollard, The Joiners Arms
118 Hackney Road, Shoreditch, E2 7QL
Same-sex marriage is the last hurdle in giving homosexuals the choice to commit publicly to a life long relationship, a powerful and empowering love, a sexual partner, a best friend. Although other types of relationships exist, and the gay community has helped to inspire these, the union of two men or two women should be seen – and it is now recognised in law – as a new definition of family and society. This sounds a clear message to those discovering their sexuality: that to be homosexual is to be accepted. It is nothing short of awesomely beautiful. It marks a point where the landscape of gay culture is expanding and difference has a chance to blossom into greater complexity. I can see a beautiful future for sexuality – one with less torment and conformity, less oppression and bitterness, more colours, more honesty, more beauty, more freedom, and, most importantly, more love.
Jamie McDermott, The Irrepressibles
The Irrepressibles’ new EP Nude: Viscera is out now, see our arts/music page for a review – www.facebook.com/TheIrrepressibles
