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It’s received a lot of press lately, and with naked men and show tunes why wouldn’t it? The first thing we noticed was that the set was actually nicer (and cleaner) than any sauna we’ve been in. We’d been given front row seats, which gave us such a great view that we almost got dick slapped at one point – how’s that for theatre?

As the cast kicked-off the show we were loving their cowboy hats; we’d certainly seen worse headwear in Chariots. We also noticed that a third of the stars were wearing casts… and we thought our sex sprains were bad!

We followed Billy on his journey from bathhouse newbie to towel-clad regular, and found ourselves clutching our invisible pearls as he asked a shag to go on a date (who hasn’t been there? *Cringe*). As they minced around the stage with tambourines, tinsel and bursting out of lockers in a style that makes Glee look butch – they covered everything from Grindr meets to penis types – where suddenly every car crash you’ve had in the bedroom comes screaming back.

As the show drew to a close, the guys emerged in rainbow coloured towels (Sweatbox, take note) belting about Christmas at the Bathhouse; definitely beats the tragic affair and burnt turkey at Aunt Deidre’s. And we bet the stuffing’s better, too. (ba-dum!)

While there are a number of funny scenes throughout, it also touches on a slightly more sombre note about the difficulties of finding love on the gay scene. Everyone’s been that naïve boy in a sea of promiscuous men, which is why it’s relatable. (Although it has to be said, the audience was populated by a more mature crowd – where were all the younger sauna-goers? Or had the idea of theatre and no orgasm put them off?)

Still, we can’t wait to go back to Pleasuredrome and burst into song in the steam room – it would certainly be more entertaining than some of the shags we’ve had in the past. Randy, raucous and slightly ratchet!

• Bathhouse: The Musical
• Above the Stag, 17 Miles Street, Vauxhall, SW8 1RZ. 6pm/7.30pm. £18. Runs until Saturday 9th August.

Trans touch rugby taster session in West London

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