Simon Marks is the trainee drama therapist who has set up the monthly gay men’s meeting and discussion group, ‘A Change of Scene’ at 56 Dean Street. Here he talks to Patrick Cash on why he was inspired to make the group, how they choose the subjects to cover, and what’s unearthed in discussion.
On what A Change of Scene is:
A Change of Scene primarily is a discussion, an open platform. Somewhere you can come and identify with other people and talk about stuff that you might not normally talk about in bars and clubs. I know Matthew Todd (editor of Attitude), and after he did the ‘Issues issue’, he got loads of emails from people saying yes, they felt ashamed, they have issues around their body image, they think they drink too much, or why as gay men we can’t have relationships, why is no one monogamous, etc. And Matt had then suggested that Attitude wanted to do some kind of support group; the idea for A Change of Scene basically came from that, and after events like ‘Let’s Talk About Gay Sex & Drugs’ showed there is a platform and a need for this kind of stuff.
On the Grindr discussion:
The first event we did was ‘Grindr’ because I figured that affects us all. I was sitting outside Nero in the summer and literally there were all these guys in a row, all on Grindr. I thought as an opening event it was an interesting debate. I was quite clear about the fact that A Change of Scene shouldn’t be deciding whether Grindr is a bad thing or not, but it’s just that I kept hearing so many people talking about the same experiences. It goes back to the idea that even when I was a kid, the same conversations that people are having about Grindr, people had before that about Gaydar, people had before that on phonelines, and before phonelines… It goes on.
On who attends:
A really interesting mix of people attend. Anyone who’s starting to question stuff, anyone who’s basically a bit fed up. The group is for anyone who just basically thinks there might be something else to being gay. Perhaps it’s an age thing. Certainly as I’ve got older and I’ve headed towards my forties, I’ve started to question things about my life. Saying that, one guy who came for the first time was 21, questioning the same things, and I’ve been questioning this since I was a kid myself.
On the subjects chosen to speak about:
The ‘Body Image’ one came about as a natural response to the Grindr, because when we discussed Grindr, lots of people started talking about their bodies and those pictures of chests and perfect abs, whatever. So the topics feel quite organic, but what I would say is that it’s not necessarily about those subjects themselves, but what is going on underneath for us. I am not going to make a generalising, sweeping statement, but I am 38 years old: since I came out when I was 16, those same discussions have always been there, around gay men don’t feel good enough, low self-esteem, comparing themselves to other people, they’ve got to be perfect… Why?
On honesty:
I’m overwhelmed sometimes by people’s openness to be honest; I think people are desperate to be honest. I think people want to be heard. I think people sometimes surprise themselves by what comes out of their mouths, and it shows to me that there is a lot of stuff which is under the surface for people, which we push down. The exposure of vulnerability. And there’s a point about friendship: it’s very difficult to be friends with people. We have our friends that we meet over the years, but it’s very difficult to make friends because we have to be vulnerable and to be vulnerable is to open ourselves up to be hurt and judged. But there’s something about that environment which is safe, and people there want to be heard and understood.
• The next ‘A Change of Scene’ is ‘Booze’n’Cruise: Is Drink a Gateway to Sex & Drugs?’ on Tuesday 14th October, from 6.30-8pm at 56 Dean Street, Soho, W1D 6AQ. Free to attend.
• ‘A Change of Scene’ is part of the 56 Dean Street Wellbeing programme.
• Photo by Manu Valcarce, taken at ‘Let’s Talk About Gay Sex & Drugs’
