The German Party at The Hoist this weekend promises two feature tow arches of the hottest fetish men in the world, plus the launch of the brand new extended Bar Berlin. With Jagermeister shots all night and XXX-rated floor show, a huge wet area, hot new flicks, and a leather lust maze… Plus lots and lots of German men. Hoist host Unkut Kurt gives us his top myths about German men that are all totally true!
1/ Myth: German men have no humour.
Reality: They certainy don’t. Thank god! After all: you don’t want your big, bad, butch German Dungeon Master to start giggling while he puts the ball weights on your nuts, do you.
2/ Myth: German men are all tops?
Reality: Well, in the movies they are anyway.
3/ Myth: German men are no fun at all outside the bedroom.
Reality: Very true. Just ask my long suffering boyfriend.
4/ Myth: German men always get up first before anyone else when on holiday to throw their towels on the best sun loungers so nobody else can get them.
Reality: True. This is not just a nasty tabloid paper myth. They even set their alarm clocks the night before for 4am, waking half the hotel up with them. I personally think that’s very bad manners. I tend to throw my towel onto my favourite sun lounger by the pool before I go to bed.
5/ Myth: German gay men are all still obsessed with the war.
Reality: True. And very handy when role playing in the dungeon. Just don’ t call him Helga.
6/ Myth: German gay men are obsessed with cars.
Reality: Again, this is true. My first boyfriend ditched me after I said I didn’t like the colour of his BMW. Bastard!
7/ Myth: German gay men are all secret fans of Vera Lynn.
Reality: Let me tell you a little story: I once ended up on my knees in a (quite smelly!) dark room in a bar in Hamburg. Suddenly that guy that I – erm – serviced started humming ‘We’ll Meet Again!’
8/Myth: German gay men are great kissers.
Reality: Again, all true. Just make sure you don’t accidently squeeze his nuts too hard while snogging him. They tend to react rather badly to this.
9/ Myth: German gay men are all secretly little gossip girls.
Reality: True. The gay bars of Berlin, Hamburg and Cologne resemble often more the canteen at Bella magazine. Which is useful if you need to cut down on your subsciptions of Hello!
10/ Myth: German gay men have all huge cocks.
Reality: That’s certainly true. And anyone saying differently is just nasty and still angry that Germany didn’t award any points to the UK at last year’s Eurovision Song Contest.
• The German Party is at The Hoist (Railway Arches 47b and 47c, South Lambeth Road, Vauxhall, SW8 1RH) on Saturday 6th December from 10pm-4am.
Where is the next German party ?