Hits, Bits & Shits

Remember VV Brown? Yeah, no, you do, she had that song once. ‘Shark in the Water’? It goes like “baby, there’s a shark in the waterrr…la la” somethingsomething.

Well, she’s actually really quite good and you should have been paying more attention because she is BACK. But now she’s just called VV. The brown is gone. She ran herself through a hot wash and rinsed the brown clean out. Probably to avoid people thinking she was related to humanized turd Chris Brown.

She’s currently self-funding her upcoming album and you can contribute £500 for her to write a song all about you. Quite frankly I will give her a grand (I won’t actually give her grand) to name the album BrownOut. But if she doesn’t I’ll make my own version with two dozen cover versions of ‘Shark in the Water’. The ball is in your court, VV.

The rumours are true. Fifty-eight piece X-Factor-reject band Stereo Kicks are no more. Reasons for the Topman Design version of Blazin’ Squad’s demise include half of their members being unable to commit to touring due to their GCSE exams, Barclay Beales’ burgeoning career over at Sean Cody and just being generally quite shit. But spare a thought for the twelve girls in regional towns across the UK who are taking this quite hard. Chin up babes. They’ll probably all audition again this year.

Demi Lovato has thrown her hat into the ring in the contest for Song of the Summer 2015. She’s even put ‘summer” in the title so she’s clearly not fucking around. It’s called ‘Lez Off for the Summer’. Okay it’s not. But it might as well be. It’s called ‘Cool for the Summer’ and it’s straight out of the Katy Perry Academy of Clit Teasing, with D.Lov singing about eating cherries and other thinly-veiled Sapphic metaphors. It’s a tune though. As for the video? She looks like a prostitute. Dom Pop APPROVES.

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