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Pop culture stalwart, gender-transcendent flâneur Lanah P, is one of QX Magazine’s favourite people.

Her always unique, and often hilarious thoughts on life make for some of the most entertaining quotes since Pete Burns said he wouldn’t piss on Jodie Marsh if she burst into flames.

So, we decided to put her on our cover, and have a catch-up with the lovely Lanah. She gives Dylan Jones her thoughts on politics, the acting industry and more.

 


Hi Lanah! So a lot’s changed since we last chatted. What do you make of British politics at the moment?

I’m concerned about the dismantling of our Human Rights by the Tories. The Human Rights Act PROTECTS US ALL. The young, the old, the rich and poor (who are constantly being punished for simply being poor by these rotten, broken and distorted Tories). Hopefully you will never need to rely on it, but every year hundreds of vulnerable people do. Despite this, the government wants to replace our Human Rights Act with their “British Bill of Rights and Responsibilities”. This would weaken everyone’s rights, especially those of LGBTQ people. It would only benefit Tory politicians who are not pro-people, because nothing a Tory ever does is pro-people. It’s all about maintaining the primeval feudal system. Look at their treatment of the sick, the disabled, the jobless, the homeless and millions of children living in poverty. And the use of foodbanks?! In the 5th RICHEST country on this planet! I do think immigration needs a serious and pragmatic approach but not to the detriment and vilification of immigrants and our foreign friends, families and British citizens.

If you could rule the world, who would you pick to rule alongside you?

What do you mean “if”?! Haven’t you noticed how solipsistic I am? Jeez, I could put Joan Collins and Donut Trump to shame! Hahahaha! Actually, I’d have to have Jeremy Corbyn, John McDonnell and Justin Trudeau in place. They’re some of the few who will recalibrate the misguided compass of this nasty profit before people, end of empathy, right wing paradigm. Because they possess a HUMAN POLICY…innit.

Who would play you in a movie of your life?

The acting fraternity in today’s movie industry is chock-a-block full of Oxbridge or Eton educated, over-privileged cis-white hetty boy toffs. THEY talk of opportunity and social mobility and meritocracy, but they speak with forked tongues, so, so long as its a genuine androgynous queer actor, I’ve no issue. Let’s bring them up to the table as well, AS NO FUCKER IS WORTH MORE POINTS THAN ANY FUCKER ELSE. But you know I’ve had so many huge names desperate to play me. The obvious ones would be Rihanna, Beyonce, Tina Turner and Les Dawson. I only got affronted when Forrest Whittaker said he’d do it.

Did you have a good summer? Have you been away on any glamorous trips?

I haven’t been away anywhere. I got invited to Miami by Andy and Steve, but I don’t trust the psyche of America right now. Even though there’s virtue everywhere, I just spend days out in London or rest a lot. But for instance one of the most edifying days was last week when I visited the “State of Minds” Exhibition and talk at the Wellcome Trust. Then went onto the see the PUNK! exhibition at The British Library, followed by a nice coffee and quiet meditation at Quaker House. Then met my friend Geraldine for a lovely belated birthday curry at Shah on Drummond Street. You never need to have loads of money to be an afternoon flâneur in Old London Town. I mean, go have a fulfilling afternoon on the South Bank for the price of a cuppa.

So you’re working with the amazing Andy Bell from Erasure at the moment, tell us about that!

Well, if it hadn’t been for Barney Ashton, to whom I am a muse, and his genius talent and vision it would never have TRANSpired. Barney’s an amazing person, as is his writing partner Christopher Frost. Barney wrote the single QUEERCORE specifically for me. I think he obviously picked up on the fact that I’m not that delusional. Mad, yes, but delusional, no! I don’t look back at the past, as that’s not the direction one is going in. He also picked up on my resentment and dismissiveness towards the showbiz industry establishment, and being vilified for my non-conformity. But then I’ve always left that to the cis, generic, heteroid-dominant usual types. SO ANYWAY, gorgeous Andy Bell whom I was married to in another lifetime and possibly still am somewhere beyond linear time, admired my ability, professionalism and presence. And agreed to do it as a duet. Andy is one of the finest pop stars that ever lived, with the most glorious voice and persona to match. We already have some future projects in the offing.

What three words do you think best describe Lanah P’s aesthetic?

Plucked, polished and tweezed!

And finally, what do you have in store for the future?

There will be my annual “Lana’s Christmas message” which will be an alternative to that other Queen who lives in the big council house at the top of the Strand which she pays no bedroom tax on. But everybody looks forward to mine, as it’s filmed by Mike Nicholls who filmed the Boy George documentary for BBC 4. I’m also doing a John Jenkinson Movie and will eventually produce my own feature film next year. Apart from that, you have to live with an attitude of positive expectancy in this mental matrix called life. You must turn to the left! It’s where the light is. And do whatever good you can with whatever you’ve got, from wherever you are. If you can’t find good people, then the only solution is to become one. Don’t be a doormat. Stand in the truth of who you are, and JUST BE!

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