Jason Reid has a candid chat about HIV and stigma with his friend, drag artist Carmen Dioxide
Drag artist and friend of QX Cabaret Editor Jason Reid, Carmen Dioxide was diagnosed HIV positive in 2007 but this is the first time she has spoken publicly about it. To coincide with World AIDS Day, the two positive pals talk living with HIV in 2018…
Firstly, thank you for speaking to us about this. I’ve been here; I know it’s not an easy decision to make. Why did you decide to?
I’m pretty open about my status anyway, so it’s more to show that HIV can touch anyone at any time – and by me sharing my story it might help someone come to terms with what they’re going through and feel less alone.
How did you come out as HIV+ to your family and friends? And what thoughts and emotions were going on to get to that point?
When I first got my diagnosis I thought of HIV as one of those things that happened to other people. My initial thoughts were: ‘Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! What am I going to do?” Thankfully my best friends were right there for me from day one. Without them I really don’t know how I would have processed it all. Once I had settled everything in my mind about what this new thing in my life meant, the same amount of nerves and fear then arose when I came out – telling people about my HIV was my second coming out so to speak.
What does your HIV status mean to you?
They are the three letters that aren’t PHD that constantly follow me around. At first it felt like there was this massive clock ticking down, and now it’s like a pet; I make sure it’s fed its pills every day and then it’s happy to sit there and leave me alone, pretty much.
How, if at all, does it now affect your day-to-day life, and interactions with people?
It doesn’t really affect me day-to-day; I take my pills with my breakfast and I’m done for the day. There have been some adverse reactions from people, like the time a girl told me I was disgusting. I agreed, and reminded her that she didn’t know half of the depraved things I’ve done in my time…
Personally I’ve found that dating can be a minefield and emotionally draining. What have your experiences been like?
It’s been a mixed bag, but to be honest I haven’t really been out on a date in YEARS. If anyone would like to….*COUGH*. Again there’s that worry of rejection just because of your status. It shouldn’t matter but to some it really does.
How can we all help to change attitudes towards HIV+ people?
Knowledge is power. Educating one another is crucially important. Changing our language, too. And yes I mean that horrid ‘you clean?’ phrase. Anyone who asks that question had better be enquiring about my personal hygiene and not my status.
Since the onset of effective antiretroviral medication, you and I and millions of people in the developed world can live relatively long lives without the worry of developing AIDS defining illnesses and dying prematurely, however many before us didn’t. For perspective, I occasionally look back at stories – AIDS Memorial on Instagram is worth following – of those lost to HIV and AIDS in the 80s/90s. How should we remember them?
We should remember them with great honour. At a time when nobody knew what this was, when our community was gripped with fear and with very little information compared to now; those were the brave people that paved the way for the lives we can live today. They suffered through the early days of medication with no guarantee it was going to work. Yes we still have some stigma and attitudes to change but we are getting there.
To people living with HIV right now who are afraid to tell loved ones for of shame and rejection, what do you say?
Firstly get yourself a good support network of true friends who give a shit about you. When it comes to family; if you think they won’t accept the information then you don’t have to tell them but if you you think they will then that’s great, go for it. Do NOT feel pressured. As long as you know you’re okay and what’s best for you – that’s what matters.
Carmen Dioxide will be hosting a World AIDS Day fundraiser for the Food Chain on Saturday 1 Dec at West Five, Popes Lane, South Ealing, London W5 4NT.