10 songs you didn’t think were about anal sex, but are TOTALLY about anal sex

We love a double-entendre. It’s childish and it’s some of the CRASSEST, OLDEST humour in the book, but we still love it!

Is it because we’re gays? Gays have always loved that “ooh matron” wink wink, nudge nudge kind of humour. And there’s nothing better than when it pops up unexpectedly. Like if you’re in a club or listening to the radio and then suddenly your hear someone singing about ANAL!

Anal sex is still quite taboo, for some reason. It’s a perfectly natural, beautiful thing, so why it’s not more talked about is a mystery – but that’s another article for another time.

Anyway, we love when people slip it in (stop it) to songs, managing to get it past an army of soul sucking, money-minded record execs. We’ve put some of our fave examples below.

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NB: There are a few songs that are VERY OBVIOUSLY AND EXPLICITLY about anal, by your drag race queens and your Cazwells. We haven’t included those, we’ve picked ones that merely ALLUDE to it, because that’s way funnier and cleverer.  

Down For Whatever – Kelly Rowland

Ah Kelly. She want through a phase, around the late 00s/early teenies, where she was basically the Armond Rizzo of pop music. Every video contained MULTIPLE naked men, and every song was about being fucked. Hard. There’s one point in sultry R&B banger ‘Work’, where she literally just goes “Put it in, put it in, put it in! Put it in, put it in, put it in!” We stan a sex-positive queen. Another of her hits “Down For Whatever” was an absolute BANGER, and was totally about anal sex. It contains the lyric “tonight I’m ready to take it anywhere.” Come on now. We all know what she means. 

Sock It 2 Me – Missy Elliott feat. Da Brat

This bouncy little number from icon Missy Elliott and Da Brat (who often gets forgotten about but is fab) is quite defiantly about anal sex. Anyone who tries to argue otherwise is wrong. Like, for god’s sake, at one point they rhyme “crisco” with “disco”. If THAT’S not from the Anal Sex Rhyming Dictionary, then what is?!

Easy – The Sugababes

Iconic! This song has been EGREGIOUSLY overlooked and almost completely forgotten about, but in fact it’s one of the best – and sluttiest – pop songs ever made. The lyrics are basically just a mish-mash of metaphors for anal and the video looks like it was filmed in the toilets of Fire. Lolz.

 

Pull Up To The Bumper – Grace Jones

Hahaha! Grace knew EXACTLY what she was doing with this one. You can tell by that knowing grin. “Long black limousine” – scream! Her and George Michael probably had a right laugh while she was writing this. Falling about laughing on sun loungers at Pikes while Madonna watched silently – jealously sucking down a virgin bloody mary. 

I Said Never Again (But Here We Are) – Rachel Stevens

An STI anthem! Sat in the waiting room at 56 Dean Street because you’ve had THAT text again. “You tested positive for gonhorreah.” There’s no shame in it, don’t worry. It happens. I said never again, but here we are! It’s a promiscuity anthem, an anthem for everyone who has issues with self-control, but it’s specifically an anal sex anthem because at one point Rachel croons “ooh…I let you in my back door!” RACHEL!

Knockin’ At Your Back Door – Deep Purple

A similar vibe to Rachel’s anal sex euphemism, but a little more coy. Come on Deep Purple, if you’re gonna sing about anal, just SING ABOUT ANAL. Take a leaf out of Rachel’s book. Do not merely knock…ENTER!

 

Torn – Natalie Imbruglia

We won’t go into detail on this one but…yeah. Natalie should have used more lube.

Slow – Kylie Minogue

Although anal is a beautiful, natural sex act, it does require some deep breathing and some easing in, especially at the start. And Kylie, Queen of the Gays, understands that. She portrays it perfectly in this breathy brooding banger, filmed at a famous gay swimming pool in Barcelona. Fab.

 

I Want It That Way – The Backstreet Boys

Speaks for itself really. That awkward convo some straight lads might have with their gf. Where he’s like “erm…I want it that way…” and she’s like “OH alright then.” Or maybe they’re divulging the fact that they’re actually ALL GAY. This is all pure conjecture though. Who knows! We definitely haven’t slept with any of them. So we can’t comment.

 

I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) – Meatloaf

Oh come on now Meatloaf! Do it for love! It’s only a bit of anal. Leave your toxic masculinity at the door and do some anal for love!

DISCLAIMER: This is all conjecture – we are not saying these songs are definitively about anal sex, we are just saying it’s our opinion that they are. But it doesn’t mean they are. 

READ MORE:

Ten fab European gay pop icons you probs haven’t heard of

 

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