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Hot boy summer is OVER! And we’re careening, choker first, on a slick of leaf mould, into Cool Wet Queer Autumn.

While Hot Boy Summer was all about sex and sunnies, Aperol Spritz and Adidas, Hampstead Heath and hamstring workouts, Cool Wet Queer autumn is much more chill.

It’s about love and hygge, layering and warm alcoholic beverages.

See below!

Buy lots of floaty scarves

The sort of scarves that say “I brew nettle tea under my sink” or “I haven’t seen my pet chinchilla in three days”. The sort of scarves Helena Bonham-Carter might wear to Waitrose. Available for £30 at your local Monsoon, or 30p at your local Oxfam.

Start cooking with ginger

There’s no spice more autumnal than ginger! That DOES NOT mean we are encouraging you to buy anything ginger-flavoured from Starbucks because let’s be honest, there’s nothing more basic. But cooking a nice curry with ginger, for example, is encouraged.

Start sleeping with gingers

Waking up in the woods with a bucksome ginger person, naked under a tartan throw, is a very Cool Wet Queer Autumn mood.

Take long introspective walks

Around parks, as terracotta leaves tumble around you. The Strokes playing softly in the background. An air of vague ennui.

Blow gently on a bowl of soup

It’s just a thing that has to be done in Autumn. Take a steaming bowl of soup – preferably carrot or even better, PUMPKIN – and blow on it. Then just chuck it away.

Get a pet toad

Pet toads are a very Cool Wet Queer Autumn accessory. You can take it with you to Bombshell, it’ll fit right in!

Pair dark green with orange

In Autumn, this is allowed. If you are aggressively Caucasian though, do not wear BRIGHT orange. It just doesn’t work on very white people, sorry.

Read Donna Tartt’s The Goldfinch

A mournful, windswept book, perfect for a discerning autumn read on benches or on the top of buses.

Lots of turquoise jewellery

The sort your mum used to wear – big chunky rings, brooches, pendants.

Drink warm alcoholic drinks

It’s perhaps a bit early for mulled wine, but swirling some heated alcoholic ginger beer around your mouth certainly wouldn’t go amiss.


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