Conceived by my best friend and co-director, Justin Atkins and me, The Little Death represents not only our artistic collaboration but also serves as a tribute to our decade-long friendship and the six years we’ve spent living together. Justin has always encouraged me to embrace my authentic self, which often involves diving headfirst into chaos.
The Little Death‘s inception was organic, arising from a workshop where my classmates and I experimented with Victorian skirt bones and sounds. This exploration led to the creation of a character with a talking vagina—a whimsical and unconventional starting point that set the stage for a narrative intertwining about five per cent of our lives with vibrant, theatrical flair.
The Little Death‘s inspiration can be traced back to a poignant question I was asked in July 2022: “How do you feel after sex?” My response, “Like I’m going to die alone,” was both dramatic and deeply honest. At that time, I was ten months out of a long-term, unsatisfying relationship and grappling with the challenge of reconciling my sexual desires with my need for emotional connection.
During encounters, I’d often feel deeply connected in the moment, but once the other person experienced release, I was left feeling pent-up, angry, and sad. It was as if the bed beneath me turned into a sinking hole, leaving me engulfed in emotions the other person couldn’t understand. This internal conflict became a core element of the show, driven by cultural perspectives on sexuality that have profoundly influenced my understanding of intimacy and self.
The journey to bring The Little Death to the King’s Head Theatre was an adventure filled with both challenges and triumphs. After our performance last year, we were encouraged to apply to the Edinburgh Fringe. Despite our enthusiasm, our application did not yield the desired results.
Determined not to give up, I reached out to around 50 venues across London. To our surprise, the King’s Head Theatre showed significant interest, leading to a rapid sequence of events. The past two months have been a whirlwind, filled with rapid adjustments and the reality of navigating the professional theatre scene.
Breaking into the London stage just a year after graduating has been a mix of exhilaration and pressure. While I am thrilled to share this work, there’s a considerable amount of pressure to ensure its success.
The initial excitement of announcing the show shifts to the overwhelming realisation of the tasks ahead. Performing on stage was never my original goal, but I find myself drawn to the unpredictability of it all. Each day brings new challenges and learning opportunities, making the process both invigorating and daunting.
I hope for the show to resonate with audiences, catch the attention of other venues, and reflect well on my professors and peers from Central Saint Martins.
In navigating the issues we face as LGBTQ+ people, our cast has experienced a range from fetishisation or bullying to personal struggles with embracing our queerness. My struggles have been further complicated by cultural expectations and norms. Both my team and I have encountered profound inspiration from the wonderful gay and trans people around us. The show is a culmination of myself and a queer cast, so It feels like a celebration of LGBTQ+ culture.
Despite these challenges, I feel fortunate to be part of a supportive and encouraging environment. The performance art industry is in constant flux, and the reality of competition is ever-present. Themes and styles often overlap, making it daunting to carve out a unique niche. As someone who is newly graduated and still coming to terms with the fact that my master’s degree was in performance design, approaching established figures in the queer community has been intimidating. My co-performers might be more familiar with this world, but for me, it has been a learning experience in collaboration and growth.
The Little Death is more than a comedic exploration of female sexuality; it delves into the complexities of identity, intimacy, and self-acceptance. The character I portray reflects my own internal struggles with societal expectations and cultural conditioning. The title, referencing the French term la petite mort—a metaphor for orgasm—captures the bittersweet nature of the human experience, blending pleasure with melancholy. This duality is central to the show, reflecting the highs and lows moments of intense connection, and periods of self-doubt that define our journey.
Creating The Little Death has been a cathartic experience. I have channelled some of my vulnerabilities into the narrative, allowing these raw emotions to shape the story. By addressing themes of sexuality within a theatrical context, we aim to spark conversations that challenge preconceived notions and encourage audiences to reflect on their own experiences and beliefs. The show’s exploration of this thematic is not only personal but also serves as a broader commentary on societal issues affecting many today.
As opening night approaches, the excitement is palpable, but there is also an understanding that this show is just the beginning. It represents a stepping stone in a much larger journey of artistic expression and personal growth. I am eager to see how it will be received and where this path will lead for the show and for each of us involved in its creation. Ultimately, The Little Death is about more than just putting on a performance; it is about making a meaningful statement, embracing our complexities, and finding strength in vulnerability. It’s a celebration of the rich tapestry of human experience, and I am ready to embrace whatever comes next in this ongoing adventure.
The journey of bringing The Little Death to life has also highlighted the importance of community support and collaboration. The professional theatre landscape is demanding, and the success of a production often hinges on the strength of the team behind it. Building strong relationships and acknowledging the contributions of others have been essential lessons in this process. With a limited budget and many moving parts, it’s clear that you can’t do everything alone. The collective effort of a dedicated team has been crucial in navigating the complexities of staging a professional show.
Reflecting on the experiences and lessons learned throughout this journey, I am reminded of the significance of persistence and adaptability. The road to creating The Little Death has been filled with ups and downs, but it has also been a profound learning experience. As we prepare to share this show with London audiences, I am filled with anticipation and hope for the future. The Little Death is not just a project; it is a testament to the power of collaboration, the courage to confront personal struggles, and the celebration of our shared humanity.
The Little Death runs from 26 – 31 August 2024 at King´s Head Theatre, 115 Upper Street, London N1 1QN, United Kingdom.
