Our need for intimacy is an essential part of what makes us human. It’s just a natural instinct that we’re out here looking to connect with each other, trying to feel something, wanting to be seen, wanting to be desired.

The location-based functionality of our phones makes hook-up apps the most efficient way to figure out which guys are near you and which guys might be looking for what you’re offering, but the universal experience of online dating is pretty mediocre.

There’s something about the way that online dating apps shape our interactions that makes hook-ups feel unsatisfyingly transactional. We may be having lots of sex but somehow it’s leaving us feeling more alone, more isolated, more invisible in an increasingly hostile world.

But can you meet guys without using hook-up apps? Let’s explore the options.

Get to work

Making the decision to be open about your sexuality at work can seem a bit daunting, but it’s actually a pretty safe thing to do.

In the UK, you’re not only protected by solid anti-discrimination legislation, but most companies are committed to creating a diverse workforce – that includes supporting their LGBTQ employees.

If you’re working in any kind of largish organisation, chances are that there will be an LGBTQ-employee network in your workplace. That’s an easy way to meet other queer people.

Network

Most cities will have some sort of LGBTQ networking opportunities.

It could be a business network, a networking event over drinks, or outings to the movies or the theatre.

Try a few different options and test which groups you best connect with.

Have a drink in a gay bar

One of the main reasons that gay bars exist is to help bring us queer folk together.

If you see a cute guy at the bar, offer to buy him a drink. What’s the worst that could happen?

Talk to strangers

It’s great to hang out with your friends, but – as a general rule – your friends aren’t going to have sex with you. To meet guys who you might want to date, you’re going to have to talk to people that you don’t know.

You don’t need corny chat-up lines, just be relaxed and be yourself. A great way to initiate a discussion is to ask a question – smile, laugh, be interested in what people are saying.

Go to the gym

Getting to the gym and working out on a regular basis has lots of benefits. At a minimum, it will improve your fitness. Plus, research shows that regular exercise helps you to feel like you have more energy and will also improve your confidence.

Most gyms are fairly social places – you get to know the people who work out at similar times to you. If you seem friendly and approachable, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll find an opportunity to strike up a conversation at some point.

There are also heaps of classes run specifically for queer men – these are an ideal opportunity to get hot and sweaty with a group of guys.

Play sport

The UK is blessed with a huge range of LGBTQ sports clubs, teams, and associations. Not only are LGBTQ sports clubs a great way to keep active and improve your health and fitness, they also provide a range of social events and opportunities to meet people in your area with similar interests.

LGBTQ sport is surprisingly well-organised, and there are heaps of competitions around the world that sports teams travel to on a regular basis.

The great thing about LGBTQ sports clubs is that they generally welcome people of all levels and abilities. So, even if you’re not the most confident or accomplished sportsperson, there’s bound to be beginners’ sessions or lessons that you can tap into.

Volunteer yourself

The work of community organisations is incredibly inspiring. Whether they’re providing information and outreach, running health promotion campaigns, or providing support services for people who are having a tough time, community organisations rely on volunteers to keep operating on limited budgets.

Sign up to donate some of your time and energy with a local community organisation that matters to you. Not only will you feel good about doing something that helps others, but you’ll meet new people and expand your social networks.

Sweat it out in a bathhouse

Sex-on-premises venues, bathhouses, and saunas are always a great option to explore – they’re ideal for a quick and no-nonsense hook-up because everyone is there looking to get off and they’re all ready to go.

No endless swiping, no time-wasting DMs, just naked men looking for action.

Take a walk in the park

Do the research to find your closest park that has some good cruising action. Generally, you’re looking for somewhere that has a few trees, maybe has a public toilet, is a bit secluded, and seems to have a lot of men not necessarily in a hurry to leave the area.

You won’t get a lot of conversation but you will find horny men up for some fun.

Invest in intimacy

If you’re longing for the touch of another man or just need some sexual release, you can skip the small-talk and just get straight down to business. Book an erotic massage or hire a sex-worker.

If you don’t have the time or energy for dating, let a professional give you exactly what you’re looking for.