Body dysmorphia is rarely spoken about openly in the gay community, despite how common it is. For years I lived in the grip of it myself, stuck in cycles of control, shame, and comparison. On the surface, I was thriving – working as a nutritionist, looking the part, and performing “health”. But privately, I was battling steroid addiction, relentless body scrutiny, partying too much, and the kind of mental strain that left me at breaking point.
My turning point came through years of therapy, where I began to untangle the shame, trauma, and perfectionism that had shaped so much of my life. Later I completed a master’s degree focused on mental health and lived experience. Together, these shaped a new framework for understanding wellbeing, one that is evidence-based but also deeply human, rooted in the realities of gay men’s lives while offering practical tools.
It became clear to me that true health isn’t just about what you eat or how often you train. It’s about the relationship you have with yourself, your body, and the world around you. That shift in perspective is what ultimately led me to write Letting Go of Perfect: A Gay Man’s Guide to Healing from Body Dysmorphia. This book is both personal and professional. It’s a reflection of my healing and a resource for anyone who has ever felt trapped by perfectionism, self-criticism, or the impossible standards so often amplified in gay culture.
I wanted to write something that didn’t dress things up. Surface-level fixes such as diets, training plans, and quick mindset hacks often monopolise the conversation around body image. Too often the harder truths are avoided, or the explanations stop short of showing how food, stress, and the body are all connected. However, for many of us, the underlying issues are more profound. We’re dealing with trauma, shame, bullying, homophobia, or rejection. We’re navigating scenes and apps that reward very narrow body types, and we internalise those messages until they feel like the truth. My aim was to create a book that goes beneath all of that: raw, unfiltered, and honest.
What Letting Go of Perfect covers goes far beyond “accept your body”. It looks at:
- The psychology of body dysmorphia and why so many gay men fall into cycles of comparison and control.
- Nutrition and mindset, showing how food can support (but also sabotage) mental health when used as a tool of control rather than nourishment.
- The role of trauma and shame, and how these often lie underneath body image struggles.
- Practical exercises designed to help unpick negative beliefs, embrace imperfection, and build self-compassion.
- Creativity, authenticity, and community as powerful ways of reconnecting with ourselves.
Most importantly, the book doesn’t promise a neat or linear journey. Healing from body dysmorphia isn’t about “fixing” yourself; it’s about learning to step out of cycles of shame and move towards self-compassion. I wanted to show that there’s life beyond the mirror and that real peace comes not from having the perfect body but from building a kinder relationship with yourself.
At its heart, Letting Go of Perfect is a companion for gay men navigating one of the least-discussed aspects of our mental health. My hope is that it sparks honest conversations, reduces shame, and reminds people they’re loved. Perfection is not the goal. Freedom, authenticity, and self-love are.
Letting Go of Perfect: A Gay Man’s Guide to Healing from Body Dysmorphia is OUT NOW in bookshops.
