As you get older and your choice in men (supposedly) gets better, you would logically expect the number of disastrous dates to decrease. But logic is a funny thing… Well no, not really, not when you’re sitting in Nandos picking sweetcorn out your teeth and your date’s made a quick get away. Cocktails and Cocktalk have devised 10 Don’ts (and one Do) to help you secure that second date – or at least an invite for a drunken fumble back at his…
1. DON’T discuss the ex
The last thing your date wants to hear is how you loaned your drug-dealing ex a load of money and he didn’t pay it back. And if you’re sobbing over your salad about the way he used to touch you then you shouldn’t even be dating yet!
2. DON’T tell lies
He will probably work out that you’re not a celebrity booker with Madonna on your speed dial, when you can’t afford the next round.
3. DON’T be broke
Unless he’s a sugar daddy, don’t arrange a date when you’re a broke bitch. Asking him to lend you money when you’ve just met him is just not a good idea… It’s far better to steal it the morning after from his bedside drawer.
4. DON’T pull out the glittery hot pants…
What you think is fierce to wear to the club isn’t going to work on a first date; those sparkly leggings that make you feel like Sasha Fierce, make him want you to ‘Sashay away!’
5. …Or the sandals
It doesn’t matter if you saw Regina George in army pants and flip-flops, open-toe footwear is not appropriate dating attire. As for Crocs – you might as well just spit in his soup.
6. DON’T give too much information
Conversation should flow like your grandmother’s summer dress – light and breezy without showing too much. Asking if he’s top or a bottom before you’ve picked the wine screams desperate. Similarly, telling him you want to give him a cream pie before ordering dessert is confusing, and a total turn off.
7. DON’T tell him you love Britney
Yes he probably loves her too, but we’ll leave that for date three – right after you tell him about the cream pie.
8. DON’T order spinach, coriander or parsley
Seriously don’t even be tempted, because your date won’t have the heart to tell when it gets stuck in your teeth and you’ll spend the entire evening looking like you’ve sucked off an allotment.
9. DON’T get distracted
Pay attention. And by that we mean to your date, not to the power-bottom, lash-batting bar boy. You can come back for her later, she’s currently got glasses to scrub.
10. DON’T touch too much
Touching a man will let him know you like him, but be gentle and subtle. Punching him in the chest every time he cracks a joke or grabbing his arse every time he gets up for the toilet might send him running a mile. Get rough in the bedroom, not the bread basket.
11.DO Relax.
Nerves destroy dates like Sandra Bullock destroys romantic comedies. They lead to talking too much, not talking enough and sometimes just talking utter shit. Have a shot for Dutch courage, but don’t go overboard – cut to you sloshed on Martinis straddling him in Balans (we’ve all done it).
• For more advice, hilarious escapades, sexy men, celebrities caught in the buff and witty insights check out www.cocktailsandcocktalk.com
