Anal sex is not the be all and end all of gay sex. Studies into the sex habits of gay men found that 7 in 10 say they had anal sex in the last year, meaning that 3 in 10 did not. That’s compared to practically all sexually active gay men saying they had oral.
Some enjoy anal sex because of the thrill of being dominated. But for most it’s the physical experience that provides the enjoyment as the prostate gland, a few inches inside the anus, gets massaged during anal sex. The gland is packed full of nerve fibres and so when stimulated can give you a deep sense of pleasure.
All gay men should know how to find a prostate gland! Insert your finger a few centimetres inside the anus and then toward the belly button. You should feel a smooth rubbery swelling. You will know you have found it if you give it a rub and get a feeling of pleasure. It can be hard to find your own, so if you can’t, try to find someone else’s!
First timers…
If you are new to anal sex then start by experimenting alone, using a dildo (a small one to start with!) and plenty of lube. Slowly insert your dildo just inside your anus. You may then feel some resistance as it comes up against an anal sphincter. This circular band of muscle is what controls your bowels movements. You can’t force this muscle to relax and forcing through will only cause cramping and severe pain. Give it time – up to 30 seconds – and it will relax. Once it does you are safe to push further inside with ease. With time and practice you’ll soon get the hang of how to pleasure yourself and then be pleasured by the real thing.
If you find it hard to relax enough to be fucked then you could try amyl nitrate or poppers. These relax the sphincter muscles. Used in excess, they can cause a throbbing headache and should never be used if you take Viagra-type meds, so use them carefully and sparingly.
Tips for tops
- Give your partner time to relax. Barging into his arse is never a good idea, no matter how horny you are.
- Work him up with your tongue first. Some guys might also enjoy you fingering them, but take care of sharp nails and be gentle!
- Try to stimulate the prostate gland by angling your cock.
- Vary the depth and rhythm, try circular movements and of course there are almost endless positions to try.
Tips for bottoms
- Breathe in when you’re penetrated and push down slightly as if you are opening your bowels as this can help your anal sphincter relax.
- Don’t wank as you are first penetrated as this tenses your anal sphincter – not what you want!
- Give your top feedback so he knows when he’s hitting the mark. Grimacing is never a hot look, so if it’s not pleasurable then let him know so you can change positions.
ASS ISSUES
By Dr Alex Vass
Most problems related to your butt can affect any man – gay or straight – because they are not caused by anal sex. So if you see your doctor you won’t be outing yourself. Here are four common butt problems you should be aware of.
Bleeding
The most likely cause is nothing more serious than piles. These are swellings of the delicate veins inside the anus. The most common cause is constipation and therefore straining when you open your bowels, but they are also linked to weightlifting and being overweight. These all cause the veins to stretch and swell. Bleeding happens as a hard stool scratches them or being bashed during anal sex. The best treatment is with over the counter haemorrhoid creams that sooth and shrink piles. Also, keep your faeces soft by eating lots of fruit and vegetables and staying hydrated. If bleeding is ongoing or you develop a painful lump then see your GP.
Prostatitis
A couple of inches inside your butt and toward your belly button is the smooth walnut sized prostate gland. It’s your GP spot. But it can also become swollen and inflamed, most often from a sexually transmitted infection. Common symptoms are an ache behind your balls, passing urine more often, a discharge from your penis and possible a fever. If you have these symptoms then you should see your GP or go to a sexual health clinic right away. Treatment is needed with antibiotics often for a few weeks.
Perforation
Thankfully very rare, but potentially fatal this is where something tears or punctures the wall of the rectum. That something is usually a fist or a toy. Usually, you would feel a sudden pain but not if the tear is small or your pain threshold has been affected by alcohol or drugs. If you suspect this may have happened go to A+E right away.
Itchy butt hole
This is a surprisingly common problem. Most often it is caused by allergy or sensitivity to a soap or shower gel. Remember, the skin around the butt hole is sensitive and should not be over washed. Also, substances in your faeces such as spices, coffee or alcohol can make the skin around your hole red, cracked and itchy. Common skin conditions such as eczema and psoriasis can affect the area and an itchy hole can also be from an STI or threadworms. To find out the cause it’s best to see your GP for a check. It is rarely anything serious.
Sexually Transmitted Infections
Most, if not all STIs can affect your butt including gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes and anal warts. If you experience pain when you open your bowels, get a discharge or feel a sore, ulcer or lump around your butt hole then it’s time for a sexual health check-up!
