Silent Victims

Xav Judd explores the issue of male on male rape…

Rape is a more heinous crime than murder since the rape victim dies throughout the period she lives,” stated renowned academic and psychologist Amit Abraham. He might significantly downplay the enduring trauma a family suffers when a loved one is killed, but it is evident that many victims of penetrative sex never fully recover emotionally (and sometimes physically depending how violent it was) from the attack, so their continued existence is blighted forever.

According to figures published jointly in a statistical bulletin by the Ministry of Justice, Home Office and the Office for National Statistics there were roughly 43,258 rapes in England and Wales between 2009 and 2012. Yet, 8.5% of these sexual violations were conducted by males against other males. Indeed, last November’s Crimewatch highlighted that the general populace seems largely unaware of this alarming fact. Therefore, QX decided to investigate why the rape of males by other males is so often underreported or overlooked, and to examine various other aspects of this most inhuman act.

Maybe one cause of all rapes being severely under the radar is, because, in general, a lot of men and women who are thus attacked regularly don’t tell the relevant authorities. There are numerous reasons for this. For example, it’s an extremely hard crime to prove in many instances with just the victim’s word against that of their assailant. And, if this is the circumstance and there are no other witnesses, why report the sexual offence if there is not much chance of getting a positive outcome:  last year The Independent revealed that only one in 30 rape cases that go to court result in a conviction. If that’s not enough to deter someone, more frequently than not the victim of the violation knows their aggressor, so can be in fear of reprisals.

Furthermore, according to Martyn Sullivan the CEO of Mankind Counselling (a service that gives support to men who have suffered sexual assault), “Not only does the rape victim often have to relive their ordeal in court, our adversarial legal system means that their character is usually put on trial.” Who would want to go through that, knowing that the prosecutor might try and denigrate them as a person of disrepute or at least make it look like they actually wanted carnal relations?

Arguably, men who are raped by other men are even less likely to come forward than females who are attacked. “As we live in a patriarchal society where males are assumed to be the dominant figures (and breadwinners), straight guys who are sexually violated often have a crisis in their masculinity,” asserts Martyn. This can result in thoughts such as ‘how has this happened to me if I’m a real man’ and ‘how can I tell anyone especially my partner, as I’m supposed to be the strong one looking after her’, etc.

Gay men too, can feel like this: despite our sexuality, we do not fit into various people’s notion of us being less masculine than heterosexuals, so the societal constructs that we are brought up in also tell us that we should not be the victims of rape. If such a fate does befall us, this may be followed by intense emotions of shame and guilt and one can even believe that they are dirty or unclean – all reasons conceivably used as a justification for not coming forward, as is the fact that some guys who are gay may have been raped as their first experience, which could engender confusion and perhaps make them think they are not heterosexual just because of the abuse.

The consequence of any part of our community possibly not reporting rapes means the overall statistics become skewered and the disparity between attacks on men and women becomes even greater than it would otherwise be. This will lead to homosexual assaults getting less recognition.

The societal constructs that we are brought up in tell us that we should not be the
victims of rape.”

In order for male on male rape to get more of the public’s attention, “Rape in general has to be considered with all forms of rape in mind. You know, for instance, there are a plethora of women’s organisations that go into schools, colleges and other establishments talking about this offence. However, as with the media and society in the main, they always tackle the subject from the preconceived position that it is a crime committed against the fairer sex, with boys and men as victims just not ever being covered or mentioned,” bemoans Martyn. “For this information shortfall and resultant lack of perception to be addressed, there needs to be a dedicated nationwide campaign by the relevant agencies [government and health, etc] to spread more awareness.”

If someone is raped, it can’t be stressed enough just how important it is for them to come forward, otherwise the attacker might put another person through the same living hell. Notwithstanding, it is an extremely hard decision to take and very brave thing to do. If it does befall you or anybody you know, according to Sarah Mahoney, a Metropolitan Police Force Media and Communications Officer: “To increase the prospects of the assailant being caught, the best thing to do is to report to the police as soon as possible after the incident so that they have every opportunity to pursue investigative leads such as crime scene evidence, witnesses, CCTV etc. Officers would also accompany you to a Haven centre (specialist establishments for individuals who have suffered a rape or assault) for medical care, an examination and follow up treatment such as A&E, if needed.

The second option is to self-refer promptly to one of the three London Havens [or Sexual Assault Referral Centre outside of the capital] where clients will receive care and attention in anonymity, so they could then make an informed decision as to whether they wanted to report the matter to the police. ”

However, even if the steps needed to report an incident and what will happen procedurally are known, many in our community may suspect that the police force might handle a male on male rape differently from one which involves a female.  “All allegations of rape are taken very seriously and subject to a full investigation,” Sarah counters. Nonetheless, some scepticism might remain as historically the ‘boys in blue’ have not always had the best record of dealing with minorities – Afro-Caribbeans, Muslims and gays, etc.  Yet, in Martyn’s view, “Due to male on female rape actually being quite routine the novelty of same-sex attacks can mean that they get as much if not more attention and are therefore handled just as professionally.”

In fact, in respect of guys who are raped, in recent years, the police seem to have been making strides. “Sapphire [a unit of specialist officers whose role is to investigate serious sexual violence] held a joint conference with the Havens at New Scotland Yard in 2011 to raise awareness of the services both organisations provide for rape victims. As a direct result of that meeting, an LGBT sub-group was set up, chaired by the partnership Detective Chief Inspector (DCI) on the Sexual Offences Command and Galop… Also both aforementioned outfits have worked together to improve the confidence of victims to come forward and report. One example of this is that police officers now receive bespoke training on barriers to reporting and instruction on the correct use of terminology when talking to transsexuals.”

A particularly disheartening issue concerning non-straight men who get raped is that certain sections of the media and society believe they bring it upon themselves because the gay scene is promiscuous and predatory. Firstly, however many sexual encounters someone has, no-one asks or deserves to be raped and no means no, period! Second, in respect of the aspersion; yes, we do go cruising, hook-up through Grindr and partake in group encounters.

Nevertheless, heterosexuals have variants of all of these phenomenons (dogging, Tinder and orgies). “I think this picture of us is just a stereotype dictated by a prejudicial view of the homosexual community. Indeed, in several respects lots of gay men are quite insecure or vulnerable when it comes to carnal relations. They may assume they want instant gratification but can feel quite empty afterwards as what they actually wanted was an emotional connection,” exclaims Martyn.


Steve’s Story

It was the 1990s, and I was only 16 when I was forced to have sex. I’d just come out (to my family and friends) and luckily everyone accepted me. Soon after, I met my first boyfriend, Russell, a 21-yr-old, cute charmer who initially swept me off my feet. After a few months, he started to change becoming very jealous. I couldn’t understand why; I loved him. If we went out I was not allowed to talk to other guys and he would say things like “If you leave me, I’ll kill myself”.

We were at his flat one evening and suddenly Russell screamed at me that I was about to prove that I loved him. He grabbed my arms with one hand and began removing my clothes with the other, pushing me down onto the sofa. People may think that it’s the easiest thing in the world to fight a person off but it isn’t if they are taller and stronger than you, so I gave up. All I could imagine was that the faster I could make him cum the sooner it would be over. I had not had anal sex before and I didn’t want to at the time, either. I will never forget the pain. Ever. But the physical pain was nowhere near the pain I felt inside.

Afterwards, when he took a shower, I got dressed and ran as fast as possible to the train station to get home. I didn’t cry, I don’t know why, but I was in shock, I guess. I felt so betrayed. He was supposed to love me. Ashamed, I decided not to tell anyone. How could I? What would I say about this living nightmare? My heart was broken and there was no one to pick up the pieces…


Information

• If you are the victim of a rape or serious sexual assault or know somebody else that needs support, a specialist agency you can turn to is The Survivor’s Trust (www.thesurvivorstrust.org).

• Galop is London’s LGBT anti-violence and abuse charity:

• www.galop.org.uk 

• Mankind Counselling is currently conducting a survey to discover the extent and effects of sexual violence against LGBT people – please visit: uklgbtsurvey.org

• Some of the names in this article have been changed for anonymity.

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