Words by Dom Top
It’s the World Cup and we don’t care. However, what we DO care about is the selection of crumpet on offer from the teams playing. Here’s a few of our favourite fit footballers both past and present. Go sports!
Diego Costa
FIT. FIT. FIT. BEARDY DOMINANT ANGRY DADDY. We want him to punish us. He bit someone on the pitch once in a VERY sexual manner and there’s a GIF of it. It makes our ring heat up like a car cigarette lighter. Fuego!
Ricardo Quaresma
Oooffff the tattooed, shaven headed bad boy of football. He looks like a dirty one, he does. He’s Portugal’s TASTIEST export since piri piri chicken. There’s a GIF of this one too, grabbing his own dick and spitting. If only it was directly into our mouths…
Andre Silva
Another Portuguese treat! Li’l Andre’s the puppy-eyed twinky heartthrob you just want to push down into the bed and spread like butter. Look at that expressive face…we’ve love to see it looking back up at us someday.
Cristiano Ronaldo
Preened and plucked to perfection, with a body that looks like a Greek statue, Ronaldo is a worldwide heartbreaker with a dashing smile and a dirty glint in his eye. We want to live inside his jockstrap.
David Beckham
The OG fit footballer as far as we’re concerned. He’s aging like a fine wine, going from sexy stud to distinguished daddy over the last decade or so. We still would any day, any time, anywhere. Here’s a picture of him hugging his equally handsome son Brooklyn whilst they are both topless. Enjoy.
Hulk Paraiba
How could we not include Hulk? A great big Brazilian with a great big BOOTY. Check out the many, MANY videos on YouTube devoted to his beautiful bum. We could happily get lost in it for days
The entire Iranian football team
Britney Spears’ Iranian boyfriend Sam Asghari first brought Team Melli to our attention. Well, after we’d climbed back onto our seat because Sam himself makes us slip straight off. Turns out Iran is a hotbed for hunky, hairy crumpet. Don’t belive us? Take a look at this team photo.
The World Cup is currently airing on the televison.
