Whether it’s being trapped in a YouTube rabbit hole of videos about a superior race of lizards, or looking into some madness Trump just tweeted that you’re quite sure isn’t true, it seems as though there’s been a recent spike in interest when it comes to conspiracy theories. With populism fanning the flame of distrust for authorities and officials, it leaves fertile ground for these theories to take root. Though there are huge swathes of them to look into, from a flat earth, a fake moon landing to swapping out Avril Lagvine for a look-alike mid-way through her career, it always peaks out interest when they have something to do with us queer folks. Though large swathes of them have a raging anti-semitic undertone, every now and then one that implicates LGBTQ+ folks rears its ugly head, and we’re usually to blame for some national catastrophe. How droll.
Here are some wild conspiracy theories about queer folks that are truly baffling:
The Homosexual Agenda
A term that the religious Christian right just loves throwing out there, rumours of a gay agenda have been circulating every since queer liberation started challenging heteronormative ideas of how you could live your life. The Homosexual Agenda is a conspiracy that largely consists of the idea that all queer people have a unanimous understanding that we have set goals to achieve. Unlike decriminalisation of being queer worldwide and gaining equal rights, these perceived goals include ‘recruiting’ heterosexuals into our ranks and have them live a pre-approved ‘homosexual lifestyle’. This kind of thinking is also what’s behind the idea that advocating for queer-inclusive education is our sneaky way of turning folks’ kids gay. It’s unclear what the goal is here, and what we’re recruiting for, but one thing is clear: Whatever it is, it’s sure to be FABULOUS.
Oprah and Gayle are a secret lesbian couple
Though there have been countless rumoured secret same-sex couples, usually involving one or two celebrities, the Oprah and Gayle King rumour is perhaps the most prolific. It has followed both of these high-powered women throughout their careers. The two have enjoyed a long personal and professional relationship spanning over 40 years, from their days working at a Baltimore TV station, to becoming the media moguls and world-renowned personalities. Oprah officially set the record straight in the most telling interview of her careers, speaking to Barbara Walters back in 2010 to discuss the ending of her famed talk-show. The fact that the question featured at all shows how prevalent of a rumour it was. Breaking into tears, she shared: “Why would you want to hide it? She’s the mother I never had. She’s the sister everybody would want. She’s the friend everybody deserves. I don’t know a better person.” It’s clear that some people out there can’t stand the thought of two strong independent women having a strong relationship without submerging it in secrets and sex.
The Lavender/Velvet/Homosexual/Gay Mafia
Somewhat linked to the ‘Homosexual Agenda’, the Homosexual Mafia has been penned as the secret police enforcing it. The term dates back to the late ’60s when English critics Kenneth Tynan wrote in playboy that such an organised body was working within the arts. Then came the ‘Velvet Mafia’ of the early ’70s which was less of a conspiracy theory, and more of a tongue-in-cheek name for the Halston, Capote and Warhol crew that frequented Studio 54. It all got rather shady once again in the ’90s thanks to The Sun when the term ‘Gay Mafia’ was used in 1998 to refer to a sinister dominance by gay men in the Labour Party Cabinet. Later the term ‘Lavender Mafia’ was adopted to call out a perceived media machined that shamed celebrities and public figures for using homophobic and transphobic language. Though gay history does cross paths with mafia figures, most notable members of the Genovese family, whose turf included Greenwich Village, ran a lot of gay bars, there isn’t such an organisation. No matter how much you want to go all Roxy Heart with a pink Tommy Gun, it just ain’t out there sorry sweetie.
Chemicals in Water are Turning Frogs Gay
To think this man once had the ear of the President of the United States is terrifying. In one of his most notorious crazed rants, InfoWars presenter Alex Jones claimed that the government is using chemicals in order to turn people gay using a mysterious “gay bomb” developed by the Pentagon. He explained in a broadcast back in 2010 that “the reason there are so many gay people now is that it’s a chemical warfare operation, and I have the government documents where they said they’re going to encourage homosexuality with chemicals so that people don’t have children.” The theory developed into the now-infamous “putting chemicals in the water that turn the friggin’ frogs gay” rant, where he claims that the majority of frogs in the US are now gay without any evidence. Not to buy into this theory, but we always had our suspicions about Mr. Toad from The Wind in the Willows. Interestingly, the author of ’70s childer’s books Frog and Toad was a gay man so there is a shared history between amphibians and gays.
The CIA Injected Gay Men with HIV
The fact that queer liberation was followed by one of the most devastating epidemics in western history could lead to the most level-headed of us buying into bonkers theories. The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention first reported on a US HIV/AIDS epidemic in 1981, and rumours of its manufacturing have circulated ever since. Since the disease largely affected both gay and African American populations, who were deemed undesirable by the straight white men in power at the time, the CIA was suspected of creating the disease to wipe them out. Many believed that the virus was administered during hepatitis-B vaccinations in 1978, especially in areas with larger gay and black populations like New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles. Though the handling of the epidemic by US officials was criminally insufficient, we know that the disease has its origins in chimpanzees and gorillas before jumping to humans in the late 19th to the early 20th century in Africa, then making it across to North America in the mid to early ’70s.
Ellen DeGeneres is in on the ‘Deep State’
Daytime’s favourite suit-wearing, dad-dancing lesbian is part of a hidden government that runs the United States Government. WHO would believe such a thing? Well, the son of the US president and maybe even the president himself. In a tweet sent out by Eric Trump, hashtagged #DeepState, he shares a screengrab of his recommended followers. Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama and Ellen Degeneres, who all mysteriously have similar Twitter bios listing who they are. “Comedian, talk show host, ice road trucker…” The only logical conclusion is that they’re all part of a hybrid association of top-level finance and industry leaders that govern the US. If this thinking is to believe then all of the “Model, Influencer, OnlyFans-er, Dog Dad” twitter gays are also part of the US Deep State. A TERRIFYING thought.
______________ is a closeted queer person
After years of forcing us queers to stay in the closet, the straights are now getting paranoid. They think everyone from country darling Dolly Parton to Scientologist Tom Cruise is getting a bit on the side with members of the same sex. If you’ve been a high-profile person for over two years then they gay rumours are sure to have made the rounds at some point. Some of these rumours are smear campaigns from right-wing pundits looking to accuse Obama of having a guy on the side or to besmirch the good name of John Travolta. Others are peddled by queer people hoping that some of their favourite celebrities bat for their team, with the hounding of Shawn Mendez being a clear example. No matter on which side of the conspiracy you sit, it’s never good to call someone’s sexuality into question. Hugh Jackman might be impossibly handsome with a deep-seated love for show tunes, but if he identifies as straight then we should respect that, no matter how much we’d like to nuzzle in that chest nest.
