While Christmas conjures up images of time spent with family around a warm hearth, the reality for many of us in our community is that Christmas with family can be a very difficult time. Here Andrew, wearing his mental health hat, gives some tips on how to make going home for Christmas a little bit easier.
by Andrew Gardiner
The excitement of seeing family often comes with nerves about old dynamics, boundaries, and whether certain conversations might come up. If that sounds familiar, here are a few ideas to help you stay grounded, protect your mental health and make the most of Christmas, no matter what challenges come up.
First off, think about setting boundaries before you even get there. Let’s be honest, some relatives love to ask uncomfortable questions or dive into topics that don’t need to be on the table. Consider giving family a heads-up about what you’d rather not discuss. A simple, “Let’s focus on the fun stuff” can gently steer the conversation away from touchy subjects without creating drama. Deflecting with humour can also be your saviour. Guaranteed after a little Xmas tipple someone will ask “How’s your love life” in their own awkward way to which I’d respond “Rather than tell you I’ll perhaps enact it through the medium of mime if we play charades later!” it might be enough to sidestep an unwanted long-winded conversation.
It can also help to have a go-to support person in the family (or even a friend on standby for a quick check-in text). A cousin, a sibling, or anyone who “gets it” can make all the difference, especially when other conversations feel tense. Having someone to lean on can remind you that you’re not alone in the room, even if it sometimes feels that way.
If things do get overwhelming, there’s nothing wrong with taking a breather. Go for a walk, hide out in a quieter space, or even schedule some little breaks in your day. Giving yourself an “exit plan” can be a simple but powerful way to protect your mental space if you need a few minutes to recharge.
And don’t forget about your chosen family! For so many in the LGBTQIA+ community, chosen family is the real home. Maybe you can call them while you’re there or plan a get-together after Christmas day to catch up with people who fully celebrate you. It’s a great reminder that you’re loved for being you, even if it doesn’t always feel that way with your family.
Lastly, remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You’re valid as you are, and your identity doesn’t need anyone’s approval. Focus on enjoying Christmas as much as possible, for yourself and all the reasons that make it special, the people you love. Sometimes, just showing up is the biggest way to honour who you are.
Christmas can be tricky. But that being said, the best gift to yourself could be avoiding those situations that leave you feeling uneasy and exposed. A little planning and self-care can go a long way in helping you feel grounded and supported.
https://www.societyofstrays.co.uk
Social: @AndyJGardiner and @mrgaygreatbritain
