I used to be the first person at Pride and the last to leave. Fuelled by substances, dancing until my feet felt like they would fall off, constantly scanning for the next guy that would notice me and then waking up 2 days later wondering what the hell had happened. I thought that was what celebrating our community looked like; the louder, the more chaotic, the more F’d up, the better…
But somewhere along the way, I lost the plot entirely. I forgot what Pride was actually about, or maybe I never really knew…
The crowds became overwhelming. The corporate floats selling rainbow capitalism left me cold. The hyper-sexualised energy felt performative. The booze and drugs that used to enhance the experience started numbing me out instead of opening me up. And I’d leave feeling more disconnected from my community than when I arrived.
If you’re someone who feels similar, if you’re sensitive to crowds, overwhelmed by the commercial circus or are just craving a way to celebrate that feels more meaningful to you, all you need are some alternative ways to honour what Pride really means…
The Real Essence of Pride
Pride isn’t about rainbow merchandise or how many hours you can dance in the street. It’s not about necking booze or throwing on a harness and seeing how much attention you can get and it’s not about scrolling through Grindr through squinted eyes in the blazing heat…
It’s about celebrating the courage of those who came before us, honouring the ongoing fight for liberation, the souls that fought and even died for our freedom. And it’s about expressing truthful joy in who we are.
It’s about community, connection, resistance and the radical act of being openly, proudly queer in a world that still tries to shame us. You can honour all of that without stepping foot in a parade…
Alternative #1: A Conscious Sober Sensual Dance
This year, instead of the street party vibe, I’m hosting a Pleasure Medicine Special session. Part sensuality workshop and part ecstatic dance, it’s a space where gay, bi, queer and trans men can come together to dance, connect and celebrate through conscious dance.
A 45-minute facilitated connection and sensuality workshop followed by a live DJ set of classical, ambient, tribal, deep house and heart opening disco music. And the medicine of being witnessed in your full honest expression.
No masks. No performance. No hoping to be seen. At Pleasure Medicine you are seen, witnessed in your beautiful gayness, as you are.
There’s something powerful about celebrating Pride in a different way, that isn’t the usual. It’s subversive, alternative and powerful.
When we gather to move our bodies to music in this way, with intention, we’re connecting to the same primal joy that brought our ancestors to the streets decades ago. We’re just doing it in a way that actually nourishes us rather than depletes us.
The gay guys that have already been are saying:
“I’ve never felt comfortable to be my full self around other gay men… here I do and it’s the first time in my life”
“I found a part of myself I thought I’d lost”
“I realised there’s real masculinity in letting your feminine side out”
“Wow, the disco music was amazing! I felt like a show girl. It was so liberating to just let that part of myself play!”
This is for every body type, background and story. It’s a space where gay men can connect away from bars, clubs, apps and substances using embodied movement, sensuality and conscious dance instead.
Find out more and book your ticket here: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk
Alternative #2: An Intimate Gathering
Create your own celebration with people who actually matter to you. Cook together, share stories, play music that moves your soul rather. Dance in your living room or garden, on your roof terrace. Have real conversations about what Pride means to each of you.
The most powerful Pride celebrations I’ve experienced have been in someone’s backyard with ten people who genuinely care about each other. There’s something about intimate gatherings that allows for real connection in ways that massive crowds simply can’t. Instead of getting lost in the sea of bodies you can stay connected to what really matters; your loved ones, your support, your chosen family.
Alternative #3: Solo Contemplation
Sometimes the most radical act is stepping away from the collective celebration to do your own inner work. Spend Pride weekend solo asking yourself:
- What kind of gay man do I want to be?
- How do I want to show up in the world?
- What does my authentic expression look like behind the scenes, when no one’s watching?
Take yourself on a solo adventure. Take a long walk in nature, write in your journal about what Pride means to you personally, have a conscious self-pleasure practice, arouse your senses, create a playlist of your favourite tunes, make yourself delicious food, sunbathe, watch a queer movie.
Use the time to connect with your own relationship to your sexuality, your community and your place in the world. Because Pride isn’t about a single day, it’s about you show up every day.
In my free weekly newsletter ‘The Pleasure Portal’ I send regular journal prompts for reflection just like this as well as conscious self-pleasure practices to help you have better sex and general spiritual, substance free gay stuff going on in London…
The Daily Practice
Here’s what I’ve learned: what really matters isn’t marching in the streets for one day a year. It’s how you live and show up every single day. Are you being the true you in your daily life? Are you supporting other queer people? Are you challenging homophobia when you encounter it? Are you living with pride in who you are, not just during Pride month?
The most powerful Pride celebration is the one you live 365 days a year through your choices, your relationships, your courage to be exactly who you are without apology.
Finding Your Way
If traditional Pride celebrations leave you feeling disconnected or overwhelmed, create your own. Honour the roots and essence of what Pride represents while celebrating in ways that actually nourish your soul. Whether that’s conscious dance, intimate gatherings or solo reflection, what matters is that you’re connecting with the deeper meaning of what it means to be proudly, authentically gay.
Our ancestors didn’t fight for our right to waste it away. They fought for our right to be ourselves, to love who we love, to express ourselves without fear. However you choose to celebrate that freedom, make sure it’s coming from a place of genuine pride in who you are.
The revolution isn’t just in the streets. It’s in how courageously and truthfully you live your life every single day.
About Gary
Gary is a therapist, embodiment facilitator, somatic erotic bodyworker, award-winning music maker, conscious DJ and writer. He’s the creator of Pleasure Medicine, a bi-weekly sensuality workshop and ecstatic dance for gay men in London that blends conscious movement with intimate, embodied connection.
With over a decade of experience as a therapist, Gary is devoted to helping gay men unlock their pleasure centers, soften shame and rediscover joy, intimacy and sensuality through dance, touch and celebratory sexuality.
He is a guest columnist for queer culture magazines and writes personal essays, opinion pieces and cultural reflections—always from the perspective of being in the waters with the reader, trying to work it all out together.
Connect with Gary:
- Book your ‘Pleasure Medicine’ ticket: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk
- Join ‘The Pleasure Portal’, weekly conscious self-pleasure practices, sexy soul notes, soundtracks and general spiritual gay stuff going on in your inbox: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk/pleasure-portal
- Touch Me Workshop, a guided intimacy, sensual touch and massage workshop for gay men: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk/touch-me
