Who Will Survive?

Ahead of PopHorror’s ‘I Still Know What You Did Donna Summer’ Disco Special we’ve made up our fantasy horror flick starring our favourite Queens of Disco. These divas were all very Bad Girls last summer and this summer they are going to have to pay. Let’s look at what they did, their horror movie death scenes, and whether anyone will survive:

The Weather Girls

What they did Last Summer: They ate Geri Halliwell alive as punishment for her cover of “It’s Raining Men”

Death scene: Crushed by group of male skydivers. The irony. Shouldn’t have left them umbrellas at home.

Diana Ross 

What she did Last Summer: Miss Ross quit the group to go solo, not before reversing over her band-mates with her limo. Twice.

Death scene: Tied up and hung Upside Down by with her own vocal chords.

Amanda Lear

What she did last summer: Force-fed Twiggy sixteen doughnuts just before a Yves St Laurent shoot.

Death scene: “Accidentally” savaged by an escaped leopard who mistook her vocal purr and animal print catsuit for a potential mate

Debbie Harry

What she did Last Summer: Not too much, she just hung out with the boys, laid down some tracks, set a few trends, ya know…

Death Scene: Locked in a meat cellar and left to freeze. Nobody realised she was dead for 2 weeks, mistaking her frozen face for glacial, beautiful, ennui.

Grace Jones

What she did Last Summer: Came on stage 75 hours late at a festival gig because of “technical issues”

Death scene: sliced in half by a razor blade laced hula-hoop. She continued hoopin’ to the end of the track though – a true pro.

Donna Summer

What she did Last Summer: got caught bad mouthing the gay boys for leaving her cake out in the rain.

Death Scene: crushed by a giant Mirror ball while rehearsing her Last Dance. Unable to cry for help because of poisoned Botox-laced lip-gloss.

Gloria Gaynor

What she did Last Summer: spent most of last summer afraid, petrified, thinking she could never live without you by her side.

Death Scene: No death scene for Gloria – She WILL survive. She is our Last Girl. The Jamie-Lee Curtis of this Disco Bloodbath. She is Stayin’ Alive. Well, at least until the credits roll…

• PopHorror: I Still Know What You Did Donna Summer is on Wednesday 15th June at Royal Vauxhall Tavern (372 Kennington Lane, SE11 5HY), 8pm – midnight. £5.