Hey now, hey now. THIS is what dreams are made of.
The teen Disney Channel sitcom that shot a relatively unknown Hilary Duff to tween stardom may have dawdled on under the radar for two seasons, but that didn’t stop feature-length film The Lizzie McGuire Movie establishing itself as one of the greatest pieces of cinema this side of Casablanca. It is THE quintessential coming of age film for all those who drudged their way through early adolescence in the noughties, especially if they were of a camp persuasion. Head over to any gay club that’s into playing commercial hits and whisper the words “sing to me Paulo” you’ll realise exactly how wide-reaching this movie’s impact has been.
The film follows nice American girl Lizzie McGuire who, following an embarrassing fall in front of the entire school at graduation, heads to Rome on an insanely extravagant school trip with her best friend Gordo. After throwing a penny and a wish for a magical time in the Trevi Fountain she is instantly approached by Italian superstar and euro twink heartthrob Paolo who mistakes her for his singing partner Isabella. After a few days spent sneaking around the eternal city, our Lizzie is set to perform as Isabella at the Coliseum… for some reason. The real Isabella turns up to prove that Paulo is a bad dude who was using Lizzie to ruin her reputation, and one Hillary Duff duet with herself later they all live happily ever after.
But why has this film secured itself in the canon of cult queer classics we hear you ask? Well, sit down Debora and we’ll tell you.
Miss Ungermeyer
Giving you early naughties butch realness, she served all these children on how a real woman wrangles her kids. She was rocking that headset like Brittney Spears never could. “You want a piece of the Ungermeyer?” YES we do.
Fashion Makeover Montage
Giving you several high fashion looks in 2 action-packed minutes set to the soundtrack of RuPaul’s Supermodel? SIGN US UP. Well, it’s the Taylor Dayne cover but we’ll forgive. From a green Marion Antoinette look, to a head-to-toe LED light look, to an inflatable igloo overcoat. ICONIC.
The Bitch Ex-Best Friend
What would a teen movie be without that utter bitch that you hated when you first watched it, but looking back makes you think “omg me”. She’s not afraid to poke the bear, and call out Lizzie McGuire when she repeats an outfit. We feel like out of everyone, she’s the one we relate to.
The Soundtrack
You know how you feel weird listening to the Shrek soundtrack despite it being one fire compilation of songs? Well, this soundtrack dials that up to a one hundred. It’s become the only thing we’re willing to listen to when we’re pre-drinking, with smash hit after smash hit. An obvious stand out is Atomic Kitten’s The Tide Is High which to this day still fills us with pure happiness. Then there’s the big finale song. God Damn.
The Grand Finale Performance
Drama. Tragedy. Humiliation. Liberation. It’s all here in this iconic scene. What starts off with a shy Lizzie taking to the stage of one of the world’s most iconic landmarks, ends in a Hilary Duff duet with herself which is just too much to take. One of her has blonde hair the other has brown hair. One has an American accent and the other is trying her hardest to carry off an Italian accent. This truly is what dreams are made of, and to top it all off blonde Hilary Duff is wearing a floor length dress which turns into flares. FLARES! Ugh… we need to go lie down.
