For anybody who might be facing Christmas alone, there is always another hand offering hope.
Christmas is a beautiful time of year. Beyond the chain coffee-shop workers forced to dress up as Santa’s Little Helpers and the psychological warfare upon toddlers that constitutes a Disney Store advertising campaign, there’s a spirit of being together with your nearest and most tolerable, until the treacherous third bottle of cava is popped.
Whether you believe the enchanting story that one special baby survived a murderous cull that gruesomely stabbed every other baby in Bethlehem or not – ‘the greatest story that was ever told’, according to Christians – the humanity of the season still appeals to most. Christmas is a celebration of love.
But perhaps the majority of us take it for granted that we’ll have a loving family to exchange unwanted gifts with and scream at over Monopoly, before eventually dozing off together on the sofa in front of a boozy Downton Abbey. For some queer people the 25th of December is just another day to get through, albeit one where the buses aren’t running and the shops are closed.
“Perhaps the majority of us take it for granted that we’ll have a loving family to exchange unwanted gifts with”
‘I spent my first Christmas alone about ten years ago,’ says Timothy. ‘I would usually try and schedule myself to work on Christmas, but this was a year when other people had volunteered to work. I drank more than I should have and tried to lose myself in the story of Love Actually.
‘I think this must happen more to LGBT people. Speaking from my own personal experience, I had a family who was not accepting of me being gay. I also thought that I must be the only sorry person who didn’t have anyone to spend Christmas with. Drinking to forget was the only way I knew how to put on a brave face. I wish I knew then what I know now.’
It seems this feeling of being the ‘only one’ experiencing isolation is as deeply prevalent as it is false. The London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard (0300 330 0630) provides a vital community helpline that is open for people to ring on Christmas Day. Some people ring just to wish them Happy Christmas. There tend to be fewer calls on the day itself, but they are often from the people who most need to call.
Indeed, one of the volunteers at the Switchboard had a tale to tell about her Christmas Day shift. ‘I was on for three hours and only had one call. But that call was one of the most important I’ve ever received. It was a very lovely man who had found himself alone at Christmas and suddenly, on the day, decided that he actually wanted to spend Christmas with other gay people.
“The important thing is to learn to swallow your pride and admit to others that you don’t have plans.”
‘He wanted to talk to us and to find out where there might be a gay Christmas party near him. We were able to provide details of a local LGBT pub that had an event, and he subsequently phoned back to say how much he had enjoyed it and how glad he was that he had called us. Calls like that make it all worthwhile.’
Gay bars in London that are open on Christmas Day include The Two Brewers in Clapham, The Black Cap in Camden and The George & Dragon in Greenwhich. We’re not advising people to sink themselves in gin, but as well as pouring pints public houses are there for their public; in this case the gay community of London.
Our experience of Christmas Day activities is that they tend to be very enjoyable! – The Food Chain.
But perhaps the LGBT+ people who are affected most by isolation at Christmas time, are those who have been literally cast out by their families for being who they are. ‘Christmas can be a difficult time for young people who are hiding their sexual orientation or gender identity from their families,’ says The Albert Kennedy Trust. ‘And it’s even worse when they find themselves homeless after coming out.
‘The Albert Kennedy Trust works hard throughout the year to provide emotional support to the young men who require the charity’s help, and that is so much more important when they feel isolated from their families around Christmas time.’
Whatever situation you might be in this Christmas time, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone, there are many avenues out there for help and community participation, and that, as the now famous slogan goes, ‘it gets better’.
‘I still watch Love Actually every year at Christmas, but now I don’t watch it alone,’ says Timothy. ‘I now have a close circle of friends and loved ones who look after me, and allow me the honour of looking after them, so there’s always a place to be at Christmas. The important thing is to learn to swallow your pride and admit to others that you don’t have plans.
‘I watch Love Actually with the ones I love so that they can make fun of me when I cry at all the same spots… Every time!’
Wishing all our readers a happy Christmas from all at QX.
• The London Switchboard is at 0300 330 0630, open between 10am and 11pm every day of the year. Calls to this number cost the same as 02 or 01 numbers and are included in monthly mobile allowance deals.
https://switchboard.lgbt/
• Positive East offers support for individuals and communities affected by HIV, at 159 Mile End Road, Stepney Green, E1 4AQ.
www.positiveeast.org.uk
• The Food Chain exists to ensure people living with HIV in London can access the nutrition they need to get well, stay well and lead healthy, independent lives.
www.foodchain.org.uk
• The Albert Kennedy Trust supports lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans homeless young people in crisis.
www.akt.org.uk
• Stonewall Housing is the specialist LGBT housing advice and support provider in England.
www.stonewallhousing.org