It is on quiet mornings alone that it overwhelms me: the different versions of myself that exist in the world, in other people’s heads Intense? Bossy? Feeble? Crazy? If only lightly, these bug me. I generally find it difficult to align myself with society’s stereotypes as a queer, neurodivergent woman in London. I know I’m not the first to say this but: I just want to feel like me. I want to strip off the layers of time and perception and stand naked and new in a void of nothing.
I do not have this physical ability. What I do have, however, is the versions of me I am with my community – the silly, sexy, special versions. The ‘me’s that get closer to the truth – or better than! – born from long winding conversations in the kitchen at 2AM. The versions of me that thrive among my queer, neurodiverse, beautifully open minded web of friends. This is the community I write for and the one who has allowed me to write. This is also the kind of person I feel I can be when I create within my theatre company and alongside my long standing friend and co-creator TJ Roderick – come to shed his light and brilliant mind upon London from the Welsh Valleys.
Years after our first excited, tentative uni projects together, Woodhouse & Roderick has grown to a collective of over thirty inspiring associates. We are a fun but tough group of queer, neurodiverse, working class, global majority creatives with a shared vision to make something that speaks to our wider community. We have just run headlong into rehearsals for our new play.
In His Words is about a young actor who gets the lead in a play only to discover it is about her… and written by her ex. Despite her girlfriend’s objections, she insists that taking the role will be an exercise in autonomy and self-discovery. Obsession rears its head, however, and the rabbit warren of the past begins to twist and turn around them both.
The piece explores perfectionism, queer femininity and obsession through intimacy, classic literature, absurdism and TJ’s signature movement direction.
My experience of OCD is a constant burning need to think about the past and defend against my own allegations that I’m a bad person. The need for perfection, for everything to be in line and make sense, aligns horribly with society’s expectation for women to do the same. It is a bit of an abstract concept, which is why I wrote a play.. I wasn’t sure it would translate, really, but working alongside an entirely female cast and an entirely queer crew, I feel at peace and in line with the room.
I realise what I am really asking is – what does it take to feel yourself in a world that wasn’t designed for you?
In His Words is showing August 4th – August 8th at The Bread and Roses theatre, Clapham.
Tickets are available via the LineUpNow Page
https://app.lineupnow.com/event/in-his-words
Or via The Bread and Roses website
https://www.breadandrosestheatre.co.uk/whats-on.html
You can find Woodhouse&Roderick on Instagram @woodhouse.and.roderick
