The confetti has been swept away. The corporate floats have rolled back to their storage units. The streets that pulsed with rainbow energy just days ago now hum with ordinary daily traffic.
And you?
You’re standing in your kitchen, making coffee, wondering if that electric feeling of belonging was real or just a beautiful mirage.
Here’s the truth that isn’t printed on the Pride merch…
When the flags melt away and the crowds disperse, what’s left is the most important part. Your heart, still beating with the memory of being seen. Your mind is expanded by the possibility of what life could look like. Your body, remembering what it feels like to move through the world without apology.
But one day a year isn’t enough. One month isn’t enough. A year? Nope. It’s a lifetime. And deep down, you know this.
The real Pride practice begins when the parade fades out.
The Post-Pride Window
There’s something almost magical about the days and weeks following Pride. Your nervous system is still buzzing with possibility. Your heart is cracked open from witnessing so much authentic joy. Your defences are down, your vision is clear and real change feels possible.
Psychologists refer to this as the ‘window of tolerance’. It’s that sweet spot where we’re activated enough to want transformation and regulated enough to actually create it. Post-Pride is when this window swings wide open. The energy of celebration has primed your system for growth. The inspiration is fresh. The courage is still coursing through your veins.
This is your moment, now…
Not next month when you’ve ‘gotten your life together’. Not next year when you’ve saved enough money or lost enough weight or figured out your five-year plan.
Now. While the magic is still tingling in your queer fingertips.
Building Your Year-Round Tribe
Pride reminds us that we’re not meant to journey alone. For those few precious days, we’re surrounded by people who get it, who get us. The struggle, the joy, the complexity of living authentically in a world that wasn’t designed for us. But what happens when we return to our regular lives, our regular circles, our regular Monday morning?
The Post-Pride Practice asks us this: Who are your people, really?
Who are the souls that encourage your expansion?
The ones who celebrate your fullness of who you are?
The people who make you feel more yourself, not less?
Have you found them? Are they in your life? Really? If so, great! Deepen those connections. If not, start looking now…
This might mean joining that hiking group for gay men you’ve been bookmarking.
It might mean finally showing up to that gay book club, that meditation circle, that activist organisation.
It might mean coming to something like Pleasure Medicine, my twice-monthly sensuality workshop and ecstatic dance for gay men in East London!
It might mean saying yes to coffee with that person who radiates the kind of energy you want more of in your life.
Your tribe isn’t just about a shared identity. It’s about shared values, shared commitment to growth, shared celebration of authenticity.
Seek out the people who make you feel simultaneously seen and inspired to become more of your true self. Who celebrates you when you express yourself? People who cheer you on with “more more more” and find glee in your joy.
This is exactly the vibe at Pleasure Medicine. We are creating a revolutionary space where gay men feel safe to express their full self, to be in their joy, to be in their feminine as well as their masculine, to dance and cheer and smile together.We drop the performance and the masks. Men of all ages, body types, cultures and expressions come together and find the community they’ve been longing for. This is what Pride is really about.
Finding Spaces That Honour You
Pride teaches us what it feels like to exist in spaces that celebrate rather than just tolerate our queerness.
The Post-Pride Practice invites you to question this:
How can you create more of these spaces in your daily life?
Maybe it’s transforming your living room into a sanctuary that reflects your authentic aesthetic, not what you think others will like or find acceptable.
Maybe it’s finding a new gym where you can work out without constantly monitoring your behaviour.
Maybe it’s switching to a therapist who specialises in LGBTQ+ experiences, the sex and relationship related issues you struggle with.
Your personal environment, the places you go, the people you hang out and the practitioners you choose to work with all shape your internal landscape much more than you realise.
When you surround yourself with beauty, acceptance and celebration, you begin to internalise those qualities in an embodied way.
When you choose to frequent spaces that honour your full humanity, your full gayness and your vulnerabilities, fears and challenges, you start to believe you deserve that honour everywhere else.
The Practice of Pleasure Medicine
My Pleasure Medicine events aren’t just a nice dance to go to every two weeks. It’s a spiritual practice and a movement that is really starting to change gay men’s lives in powerful and profound ways.
Here’s something Pride teaches us that the rest of the year often tries to make us forget:
Our joy is revolutionary.
Our pleasure is political.
Our ability to feel good in our bodies is an act of resistance against systems that profit from our shame.
Pleasure Medicine is not about hedonism. It’s about recognising that your capacity for joy and pleasure is directly connected to your capacity for everything else in life.
When you’re embodied, you make better decisions. When you’re in touch with what brings you genuine pleasure, you stop settling for what merely satisfies or that which “will do”.
This might look different for everyone. Som suggestions are exploring gay tantric practices, some form of bodywork or receiving sensual massage.
It might mean going to a new queer classes or club where you can meet like like minded people without judgment.
It might mean therapy that helps you reclaim parts of yourself you’ve been taught to hide.
Whatever path you choose, remember this: your pleasure isn’t selfish, it’s essential. When you’re truly alive in your body, you have so much more to offer the world. The best gift you can give us is a more healed self.
The Ripple Effect
Every time you choose your authenticity, you’re creating permission for someone else to do the same. Every time you speak your truth, you’re making it easier for the next person to speak theirs. Every time you show up fully as yourself, you’re expanding the possibilities for what that looks like for our community.
The Post-Pride Practice isn’t just about your individual transformation. It is really about the collective healing that happens when we refuse to dim our light. Your courage to live as full as you can ripples outward in ways you may never fully know.
Practical Steps for Your Post-Pride Evolution
- Week 1-2: Capture the Magic
Journal about what Pride felt like in your body. What moments made you feel most alive? What conversations stayed with you? What did you learn about yourself? Did you meet someone new who inspired you or impacted you? Collect the data about what lit up your soul.
- Week 3-4: Find Your Tribe
Research communities, groups and spaces that align with your values and interests. Make contact. Show up. Give it a go. Remember that building meaningful connections takes time, but it starts with showing up consistently.
[My weekly newsletter The Pleasure Portal offers weekly tips, guides and info on alternative gay things happening in and around London]
- Month 2: Audit Your Spaces
Look at your physical environment, your social circles, your daily routines. What supports you? What drains your energy? Start making small changes that support who you are and who you’re becoming.
- Month 3 and Beyond: Pleasure as a Spiritual Practice
Explore what your personal Pleasure Medicine looks like. Make it a practice. Cultivate it. Your joy is yourresponsibility and it’s your gift to the world.
The Long Game
Living truthfully is not a destination but a practice. Some days will feel that Pride parade level of joy and visibility.Other days will feel like quietly holding your ground in spaces that don’t get you yet. Both are necessary. Both are brave.
The Post-Pride Practice doesn’t have to be about maintaining that peak energy forever. Rather, it’s about building a sustainable life that celebrates your truth even when the world isn’t cheering you on. Pride is about creating internal and external conditions that support your flourishing rather than just your survival.
When next Pride rolls around, you want to be celebrating not just how far the community has come, but how far you’ve come. Ask yourself if you want to be the person who’s been living Pride all year, rather than just performing it for a weekend.
Your Revolution Starts Now
The rainbow flags may have come down, but the revolution continues in your daily choices. In your commitment to seeking spaces that celebrate you. In your willingness to surround yourself with people who encourage your expansion. In your dedication to practices that keep you connected to your body’s wisdom and your heart’s truth.
This is your invitation to make Pride a practice. To let the magic of that single day infuse the other 364. To remember that your pleasure is your birthright, your responsibility and your gift to a world that desperately needs more people brave enough to be themselves.
Your Post Pride Practice begins now…
About Gary
Gary is a therapist, embodiment facilitator, somatic erotic bodyworker, award-winning music maker, conscious DJ and writer. He’s the creator of Pleasure Medicine, a bi-weekly sensuality workshop and ecstatic dance for gay men in London that blends conscious movement with intimate, embodied connection.
With over a decade of experience as a therapist, Gary is devoted to helping gay men unlock their pleasure centres, soften shame and rediscover joy, intimacy and sensuality through dance, touch and celebratory sexuality.
He is a guest columnist for queer culture magazines and writes personal essays, opinion pieces and cultural reflections—always from the perspective of being in the waters with the reader, trying to work it all out together.
Connect with Gary:
- Book your ‘Pleasure Medicine’ ticket here: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk
- Join ‘The Pleasure Portal’: A weekly conscious self-pleasure practices, sexy soul notes, soundtracks and general spiritual gay stuff going on in your inbox: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk/pleasure-portal
- Touch Me Workshop: a guided intimacy, sensual touch and massage workshop for gay men: www.pleasuremedicine.co.uk/touch-me
