R.U… Looking? is a new men’s sober singles night at Bistroteque on 12 November 2025

Hi, I’m Rhys’ Pieces. I’ve seen that online dating, swiping, and grinding have created a culture of ghosting and unkindness, and I think a lot of us are feeling this—a general malaise and even dread — when it comes to the dating scene.

Meeting face to face allows for genuine connection

Initiatives and events are happening, and that’s quite exciting, but most are centred around drinking spaces and others, while wonderful, are very expensive. “R.U…Looking” is about creating an affordable, accessible space for gay sober guys to meet, in addition to these other spaces.

I went to a gay singles night and found being in a room full of guys with their cards on the table, saying: “I’m here looking for love/romance/connection”– really refreshing! But it was in a bar, and most people were drinking. This was fine, of course, but I got to thinking how beautiful and exciting this would be in a sober space with guys who were connected to their sobriety.

I find sober raves, gay men’s spiritual or self-development spaces, sharing circles and even AA/NA (of which I am a member) are filled with such kindness and care – “R.U… looking “is an invitation to bring that energy into a room full of like-minded guys.

Drinking and even drugs are often a way to deal with anxiety, and that anxiety doesn’t disappear because I’m sober – it’s very much there. I think it’s therefore essential that it not be a high-pressure event – it’s not speed dating. It’s connecting with others and seeing if something happens.

I’m planning on having some light prompts and icebreakers,  even optional activities, to help with that initial hurdle, but my key aim words are kindness, connection, and fun.

The first R.U… Looking? event will be on Wednesday, 12 November at The Cockatoo by Bistroteque, 23-27 Wadeson St, London E2 9DR, United Kingdom.