15/03/14: La Voix “Unveiled” herself on Sat night at Two Brewers and exposed her Va Va Voom Boys to Clapham’s favourite bouncy castle. Mama Voix gave birth to a baker’s dozen of hot-from-the-oven meat pies sprung fully-formed from Aphrodite’s hip right onstage and we were all there to witness the miracle in the manger.
Emerging in a solemn procession led by two monks, a black-veiled La Voix launched into ‘Like A Prayer’ backed by her glory chorus of 13 Speedo-stretchin’ Va Va Voom dancers, pinpoint perfect with every step. What followed was a deafening ecstatic gush of explosive love from the crowd that would’ve made a certain Madge purple with rage and envy!
Madame then introduced her young-uns (each one clearly from a different father!) two at a time in a dance-off we could have watched all night, but spoil us she must and Ms. Voix served us heaping helpings of song and dance from her limitless catalogue.
“I’ve had this show in mind for two years, held auditions last week, and pulled it all together last night!” an exhausted but beaming La Voix cooed backstage, surrounded by choreographer Neil and her new bevy of backup beauties who already get on like family (the good kind – not the dysfunctional kind we left behind.)
Two fresh-faced newbies, Daniel Hope and Francis Foreman, mustered try-outs and made their stage debut to the rush and roar of the hens and cocks heaving for a glimpse.
“We’ve had the most incredible experience!” crowed the future West End stars. “The auditions! The rehearsals! The show! – all of it has been light-hearted, fun and La Voix is simply great to work with!” The crowd certainly agreed and resident DJs Demon and Paul Short kept the party going in both club rooms, living up to what GM Jimmy Smith described as “a small club with an Ibiza feel. La Voix adds so much to that.”
But why 13 muscleboy backup dancers? (hell, why not 1300?!) La Voix explained: “Depending on the size of the venue, I want to make sure I have enough on hand who are dancers first and muscle cuties second.” (Always a good idea.) “Besides, I like 13. The last person who had 12 backup men was Jesus and look what the crowds did to him!”
Two Brewers, 114 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UJ
Words by Tom Redkid
Photos by Chris Jepson
