21/05/15: At the start of the inaugural Faggy Okay! host Ginger Johnson made the perhaps slightly ambitious proclamation that they had every song in the universe.
Of course a succession of increasingly ridiculous requests ensued. Ray “Princess of Distortion” Noir requested Rammstein (in German), but had to settle for a Stevie Nicks song, the name of which we can’t remember because at that exact moment the new hot barman started picking up glasses off the floor.
He was wearing short shorts. After that it ALL kicked off. Karaoke carnage!
There was a poor sweet girl in a smock who shakily sung “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. It was all going quite well until people started yelling that she looked like a hospital patient waiting for an organ transplant, and Ginger Johnson called her a “toneless whore.”
Next up Jonbenet Blonde, who has less vocal range than Jessica Simpson but way more stage presence, did a rousing rendition of the Ting Tings’ “That’s Not My Name”. It of course resulted in the crowd yelling “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” so Jonbenet responded by wordlessly tossing her hair for around three full minutes, then simply saying “I’m Jonbenet.”
Then, BANG, it was Ginger Johnson, channeling Sia’s “Chandelier” video. She ricocheted around the room, sending pint glasses, chairs and CSM students flying. She stumbled up to a muscle-bound Clark Kent type by the bar and screamed “CARRY ME! CARRY ME ONTO THE STAGE!” He obliged, and she then flung herself onto a table at the front, which collapsed, with her on it.
It was horrifying. It was flawless. It was Faggy Okay!
The Glory, 281 Kingsland Road, E2 8AS
Words by Dylan Jones
Photos by Mark Storey
