28-30/12/10: Always keenly anticipated, the RVT annual panto is one hot ticket on the yuletide calendar. Entering through the lace curtain-framed doorway last week we found ourselves in a wallpapered leopard print and zebra boudoir with a festive compilation soundtrack of 80s Christmas sounds playing, courtesy of DJ Dawn Right Nasty. Pole dancing trannies Jonny Woo and Russella grabbed the audience by the knackers to open the show which, written and narrated by a Christmas tree (Marcus Reeves) is a take on Dickens – this is ‘Screwged!’.
This is the story of Tranny Screwge (Myra Dubois), a tragic drag has-been, down on her luck and wearing a Bet Lynch style polyester leopard print house-coat whilst desperately pining for love and a knight in shining underpants to sweep her off her Primani mules. After a particularly heavy Rohypnol-fuelled night, she took to her bed and three tranny ghosts appeared to her. The tranny ghost of Christmas past, The Fabulous Russella, sang, danced and made pancakes while flaunting the youth and virility that Screwge used to have.
Next up, the tranny ghost of Christmas present, Scottee, was a lady in red – obviously with a wonderfully unique ‘Scottee’ accent – who whisked Screwge across the skies on an ET bicycle. To complete the trio was Jonny Woo, a stripping tranny ghost of Christmas to come.
Throw in Chlamydia Consuela (David Benson), the ironing, bitching maid, José (Ashley Ryder) the house boy who strips by night, songs from Les Mis, Sunset Boulevard and more, and an all-singing all-dancing snow-filled finale, and Screwged is brilliant. Just the right amount of avant-garde mixed with traditional panto, ugly sister and mister sister.
It being preview night last week, the script was treated more as a direction the story should go, a fluid thing acting as a guide rather than strict libretto, and some of the biggest cheers were reserved for Russella for the odd occasion when she managed to synchronise the oration of a correct line with the place it should appear in the production! It’s only on for three days (28th-30th December, see above), so grab your tickets now and don’t be left licking the window from the outside.
The Royal Vauxhall Tavern, 372 Kennington Lane, Vauxhall, SE11 5HY
Words and photos by Chris Jepson
