The As One Easter Weekend Festival invites international events like WE Party, Matinée, PAPA and Masterbeat to join home-grown clubs like SexCircus, Gravity, A:M, Beyond, Later and Orange for a colossal run of parties that kick off on Thursday and end on Monday. James Egan serves up QX’s guide to making it through the weekend without messing your mascara…
Berocca
Gotta keep those energy levels up! If you’ve bought a ticket for the entire As One Easter Weekend festival (and quite frankly from just £90, you really should have) then you’re likely to need a little boost… from a Berocca. Crush up and snort for immediate results (don’t actually do that, drink it like ordinary folk).
Lighter
Whether you smoke or not, this will be an invaluable tool for making friends, meeting boys and keeping Glendora happily sucking on a cigarillo.
Sunglasses
It’s going to be a long weekend and Touche Éclat can only hide so much, at least before you start looking like you’ve got a crumbly reservoir of clay in each sunken eye socket. Best slap on the shades instead. It’s scientific fact that everyone is 64% fitter with them on anyway*.
(*This is not scientific fact.)
Fake tan wipes
The drop’s about to hit, you’re raising your hands to the roof, you’re saying those prayers to the party gods, but shit, suddenly you notice that hot gogo staring in horror at your ice white armpit. You’re currently looking like you brought your own handy pot of underarm mayonnaise, but nobody is going to want to dip their chip. Sweetheart, this condiment-based conundrum can be avoided, stock up on a pack of self-tanning wipes from Superdrug and make sure to replace what you sweat off. Especially if you spot an event photographer, for Christ’s sake.
Protein shakes
You’re going to have to eat at some point, and whilst we know some of that ‘eating’ will be slightly more carnal than carnivorous (different kind of meat, babe), we advise you to line your stomach with something. A protein shake will keep you fed, watered AND you could squeeze in a few crunches and curls between your disco naps and shower, so your biceps will be bulging like Jon Hamm’s boxer-briefs.
Sturdy Sneakers
At the risk of sounding like someone’s mother, grab yourself a good pair of dancing shoes now! Something with a cushioned sole and a lot of grip. Whether you’re clambering onto the podium to shake like Shakira, chasing down Issac Jones on the dance floor or mounting a Muscle Mary, you have to take care of your trotters.
Wigs
Everyone knows any homosexual event is improved tenfold by the inclusion of wigs. Stash one in your man bag and take with, or make sure to have a few dotted around the house for post-party visitors.
Condoms
Considering how likely you are to get laid this weekend, you’d be a very silly boy not to stash a few of these in your shorts before you hit the floor.
Good mates
You can’t have a better accessory than a good friend. But be sure to take one who‘s as happy making friends in the smoking area as they are spinning around the dance floor with you. When you meet your future ex-husband, you don’t want a barnacle stuck to the love boat.
Manners
Probably the most important essential to have over the As One weekend. You’re hot, we get it and confidence is great, it’s very sexy, but nobody likes an arrogant arsehole. Not DJs, not door staff and certainly not any dude with self-respect. So, do yourself a solid and remember to be polite, be courteous and always say thank you. The boys will love it, promise.
• More information on the As One Easter Weekend Festival and tickets: www.orangenation.co.uk
