Dr J Shows You How To Be “With the T”

transgender
Cartoon by Fredde Lanka - Insta @freddelanka

So you’ve read the BBC article, and want to find a way to show you are “With the T” and you’re unsure how to do it. You want to be that supportive person, and the only thing stopping you is that you are not sure of the scripts to follow. 

So from a Transgressive Non-Binary GenderQueer person (yes that’s my official gender and yes I have the paperwork to prove it), here are are some ways you can be “with the T”.

Let’s start with easy things – those that are low effort and low risk.

Online – you can post that you are #LGBwiththeT – or even just RT some of the many tweets showing support, and rejecting bigotry.

You might find you get a few comments from “Gender Critical” or TERF – Trans Exclusive Radical Feminist (the former is just the latter in better clothing) accounts telling you “Sex is real” etc. Use those Block, Mute, Report buttons that all the platforms have. Don’t bother engaging, they usually have less than 100 followers and these accounts have a half-life measured in days.

It’s not like anyone is going to dox you, and having your family, your employer or your friends told that you are “with the T” is hardly going to impact your employment, housing, or relationship with your family. 

You can also add Trans and NonBinary people to your follow list. Find all the trans activists you can, and amplify their voices. You might not agree with or understand their commentaries at first, and this is where a little self education might be needed. Trust me, you’ll find some interesting voices and fabulous people, and excellent writers.

If you hunt down the LGBTQ+ TikTok, especially the QTIPOC TikTok, you’ll find a lot of amazing young commentators, talking about the reality of their lives with humour and love. There are spaces online that Trans and Non-binary people have made that are full of love and support.

Once you’ve done the easy stuff, let’s move on to the actions that will move you beyond being a keyboard warrior, and show your real solidarity “with the T” in your life.

In your workplace, think about whether a trans person or a non-binary person would feel safe coming out to the people in this work space.

If you don’t have any out trans people in your company, that says a lot about the space. So work towards making it safe for people to come out as trans or non-binary. If your HR team doesn’t know how, put them in touch with Stonewall – they have a lot of resources aimed at making work spaces safer and diverse. 

If you have one, work with the LGBTQ+ group in your company to make the workplace more welcoming of difference. This goes beyond wearing rainbows and marching in Pride parades. What real changes are they making in the workplace?

Talk with your HR team, and find out why they aren’t part of programmes like the Stonewall Diversity Champions. Challenge them to support Stonewall and show how they take this “diversity” thing seriously. 

If you have an out trans or non-binary person in your workplace, ask what you can do to make the space safer and more welcoming for them. Is it as simple as stating pronouns and making bathrooms gender neutral? Or are there bigger things that need to be tackled?

Use your voice to take on those transphobia moments. Tackle the snide comments about a person’s previous gender, or “they aren’t really non-binary” etc. Use your privilege to show you care, and make sure that the space becomes kinder and more welcoming to all sorts of gender difference. Wear a pronoun pin and state your pronoun; you might not need to but it makes a change in the space when someone has to state theirs. 

Listen out for the moments when someone wants to “debate” around trans issues. Generally they don’t actually want to actually debate anything. It’s a technique to try and sour the atmosphere with the intimation that imperfect and badly behaved trans people are representative of the majority. 

It’s easy to spot these “debates”. One way is to see if you switch out the word “Trans” in the arguments for “Black”, “Jewish” or “Disabled”, would the discussion sound like it came from the BNP? If so, then it’s not someone asking for a discussion. These “debates” spread transphobia and put in people’s mind the thought “I would support trans people, but I hear some of them do [insert bad behaviour here]… so I am not sure I should speak up”. 

Tackle these whenever they happen. In the workplace, in bars, in the gym, in concert venues. By tackling them, you make those spaces safer for anyone different, and frankly much nicer!

Finally, the hardest actions of all. 

If you realise, reading this, that you fell into the trap of one of these articles, like the BBC one about trans lesbians, and you entertained a “debate” on trans lives. What should you do?

First off, I am not going to say you’re transphobic for falling into the trap of these articles. They worked exactly as they were meant to.

You just need to put on your big cis person pants, and recognise you were wrong. Then find the trans and non-binary people in your life and apologise. 

Say “I’m sorry I fell for some awful low quality journalism and started a debate about your right to be in this world without harassment. I feel bad about that. How can I support you and make the spaces I am in safer and more welcoming for trans people?”

It’s easy to show you are “With the T” – most of these things will not cost you as a cis person, an LGB person, anything more than a bit of keyboard warriorship, or a couple of conversations in the workplace. 

It makes a massive difference. It changes the spaces we are in. The more voices online that say they are “With the T”, the better those spaces become. The more voices that ask why there are no out trans people in a space, the more spaces that are made welcoming of difference. 

Make this world better, kinder, more welcoming. Stand in solidarity with the T.

 

transgender queer non binary
Dr J Harrison

 

Dr J Harrison

Dr J brings the self- defining future to our reality; their offical gender is “Transgressive NonBinary GenderQueer”. They work at Thoughtworks as a Principal consultant with the job title “Harbinger of Change”. Like all queers in addition to their day job they have a portfolio career, co-hosting the “It is Complicated” podcast, running the online party for Queer House Party, and giving talks about making better teams. They are a TEDx speaker, they write occasional articles bringing Queer Theory into technology companies, all served with a side of humour. Follow them on twitter @drjharrison or on their website www.drjharrison.com

 

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