Find yourself a Dalston daddy and pop open that cola!
Of all the comeback singles QX has heard this year, none of them come even close to ‘Love’. Even the Steps one. No, Lana Del Rey’s latest is everything we love about her; a glacially slow, cinematic number that sounds just as dramatic on the nightbus home, as it does on your gramophone.
Plus, the video is a beautiful, sepia-toned, slow-mo slice of Americana, with every frame looking like a teenager’s Tumblr page. So, with summer on its way, how can you get the Lana look in London without schlepping all the way to 1950’s LA?
Here are our recommendations.
Hang around on vintage transport
Lana loves an old vehicle to pose sultrily in front of. Just look at the cover of Honeymoon or Ultraviolence. Easily emulated in London: find a black cab that’ll let you smoke inside, or just look forlorn on the Bakerloo line.
Head to Harley Street
Plump up those lips to the obscene level that every cigarette smoked, every direction asked, every kebab eaten, is given an undeniably flirty overtone. Make sure to never overdo it, though. The rule is always pout, not Pete.
Find yourself a bad boy
The classic LDR man is unmistakably handsome and well-dressed, but also extremely cold and uncaring. Try hanging out on King’s Road with a bottle of Coca-Cola (glass, of course) and they’ll be flocking to you like flies. Bastard flies.
Take hallucinogens on Peckham Rye
To get that woozy, mournful aesthetic that fills every Del Rey video, we suggest a something debateably legal on the leafy mount of Peckham Rye. Preferably in the blazing sun in the middle of the afternoon, while wearing a floaty, floral sundress.
Wear flowers in your hair
This one is fairly easy to do. Go to Columbia Road Flower Market, or just Tesco Express at around closing time. This, again, is all about moderation. Stick in a couple of pansies and you’ll get hippie chic. Any more, it’s going to look like you slept in Regent Park rose garden.
Shag someoneover the age of sixty
There’s nothing like a daddy to fulfil your LDR fantasy. But we’re not talking about the ridiculous millennial definition of daddy, which seems to encompass everyone over the age of 25. No, we’re talking actual DADDIES. Like, guys who have grown up kids and a wife they divorced ten years ago. And preferably who also have a motorbike, a penchant for Cuban cigars, and at least six million in the bank. And don’t even START with that “ew, guys over sixty aren’t hot” thing. They are. We’ve been there.
Be aloof
To everyone. If one of those chuggers with a clipboard accost you on the street, just twirl a lock of your hair and stare at them vacantly until they go away.
Shag an entire mediocre indie band
Not all at once! One by one. And drag it out over a month or so. They’ll all fall in love with you, it’ll cause turmoil, guitars will be smashed, glasses of Jack Daniels will be hurled, and they’ll lose their gig at the Hawley Arms. Then you can drift in to pick up the pieces, and sing a languid ballad about the sexual benefits of celestial algae.
Invest in a white smock
And flounce around Primrose Hill in it. Maybe sit outside a gastropub with a vermouth, and contemplate the casual arrogance of Jean-Paul Satre, or perhaps lightly introspect the unbearable discombobulation of modern life. But with lovely shoes.
Explore the intergalactic possibilities of the human race
Best done at the planetarium. Actually, does London have a planetarium? We’d google it but we’re too aloof. If you know the answer, let us know!
