Confidence doesn’t magically appear the first time you hook up with someone (wouldn’t that be nice?). Sure, buying some trusted UK poppers can help. But it is something that builds over time, and one of the most underrated ways to develop it is through self-pleasure.
Yep. Going solo isn’t just fun, it’s educational. Luckily, with decades of experience at www.esmale.com, we can help.
Whether you’re newly exploring your sexuality or you’ve been around the block a few times, understanding your own body can completely transform how you show up in partnered sex. Here’s how.
1. You Learn What Actually Feels Good
Confidence comes from certainty. When you know what you like, where you like to be touched, what pressure works and what rhythm makes you melt. You don’t have to fake it or hope your partner magically guesses right.
Self-pleasure gives you space to explore without pressure. You can take your time, experiment, and focus purely on sensation. For many men, this also means exploring anal pleasure in a relaxed, private setting.
Trying out tools can be very helpful with this. Available in all shapes and sizes in our gay sex shop. Whether you are getting started or looking for the next level, we have got your back! Whilst exploring, you will need plenty of good essentials like water-based or some numbing lube. It is true when they say that good lube is better sex. Take some time on your and discover what your body enjoys at your own pace. No performance anxiety. No rush. Just exploration.
And when you know what works for you? You communicate it better. That’s confidence.
2. It Reduces Performance Anxiety
A lot of sexual nerves come from fear of the unknown.
- “Will I be tight enough?”
- “Will it hurt?”
- “Will I last long enough?”
- “Will I be good?”
When you’ve already explored your own body, many of those fears lose their power.
If you’re curious about bottoming, for example, solo exploration with a well-designed toy can help you get comfortable with sensation and relaxation. You become familiar with how your body responds. You learn how to breathe through intensity. You discover your limits and your pleasures.
That familiarity translates directly into calmer, more confident partnered experiences. For relaxation, a popular product is poppers. If you do not know how to use them, please read this article on how to use poppers.
3. You Build Body Positivity
Self-pleasure encourages body awareness. And body awareness often leads to body appreciation.
When you spend time enjoying your body instead of critiquing it in a mirror, something shifts. You start seeing it as a source of pleasure rather than something to judge.
Becoming more confident and increasing your knowledge about what you like and enjoy, coupled with the ability to communicate this, is empowering. This feeling can filter through to an overall good feeling, including feeling body positive. What can also help is seeing that your partner, or a random hook-up, is reacting positively to the sexually aware you. Seeing your play-partner with a big smile on his face does wonders on all levels!
Confidence isn’t about looking perfect. It’s about feeling good in your skin and asking for what your body needs.
4. You Improve Sexual Communication
Great sex isn’t about mind-reading, it’s about communication.
When you’ve explored solo, you can say things like:
- “I like it slower at first.”
- “A bit more pressure.”
- “That angle works for me.”
- “Give me a minute.”
That level of clarity can be sexy. There is a downside to this; it can also put people off. One thing that could help is to talk before you start the action, without, of course, taking the heat out of the moment. Focus on what you love rather than what you don’t like. You need to find a balance. You can also direct through sounds. More excited grunting when he hits the spot, and more silence when he is not pleasing you, he will soon get the message.
Knowing how to prepare your body can also reduce stress. Get your essentials bought, clean yourself everywhere and try to leave any worries you might have behind. That stressful day at work, forget about it. That argument with a loved one, deal with it later, the next hour or so is just yours!
Preparation isn’t unsexy; it’s empowering.
5. You Take Ownership of Your Pleasure
There’s something powerful about realising that your pleasure can be your own. It doesn’t depend on a partner. It doesn’t require validation. It starts with you.
Self-pleasure teaches you:
- You deserve pleasure.
- Your desires are valid.
- Exploration is healthy.
- Confidence grows from experience.
And when you bring that mindset into partnered sex, it shows.
A Quick Word on Adult Tools (Because Why Not?)
There’s no rule that says solo play has to be basic. If you’re curious about expanding your experience, thoughtfully designed adult tools and practical essentials like a reliable stimulant or cream,a bottle of your favourite UK poppers can make the journey smoother and more enjoyable.
If you’re looking for well-made options without being overwhelmed, our stores provide great options, which are listed at the bottom of this article. Most of our tools and gear are designed specifically with gay men in mind, combining quality, comfort, and discretion. It’s about enhancing exploration, not complicating it.
Final Thoughts
Self-pleasure isn’t selfish. It’s self-development.
It’s how you learn your body.
It’s how you lower anxiety.
It’s how you discover what turns you on.
It’s how you walk into the bedroom knowing yourself.
And that, more than anything, is what sexual confidence looks like.
So, light a candle. Lock the door. Take your time.
Your future sex life will thank you.
To shop for some trusted tools and poppers, please visit these stores:
www.esmale.com for a massive collection of adult tools
www.poppersupershop.com for strong and popular poppers
Written by Oliver from Esmale Limited. With decades of experience, we hope some of it will rub off.
