A handy guide to the weird and wonderful cultural references we love!
Yep, you guessed it… it’s a FILLER PAGE! This could make a fun drinking game. Every time we write a page full of “outdated cultural references” the readers could do a shot! Although honestly, who wants to thumb through a magazine to get the drinks in? Just watch Kardashians and throw back a tequila every time one of them says “like”. You’ll be hammered within minutes. Possibly even seconds.
Anyway here’s a list of some of our favourite ridiculous TV shows, popstars, films and anything else that we like to reference on a daily basis.
NIGHTY NIGHT
Jill Tyrell is who we’d all secretly like to be if we could get away with it. Stealing husbands, jogging in lingerie, slapping women in wheelchairs; Jill’s done it all. She can’t have children…because she doesn’t like them and she faked her husband’s death for attention. Role model.
JURASSIC PARK
How could a Steven Spielberg blockbuster about dinosaurs released in 1993 STILL be generating so many ridiculous memes? Just go on Twitter for two minutes and you’ll find it spliced with Kylie Minogue videos, Sarah Jessica Parker photoshopped into a herd of gallimimus or Theresa May pretending to be a velociraptor. Christ.
Ladies and gentlemen, the dumbest thing I’ve ever made: pic.twitter.com/w3fHUCfXGu
— Sick Triceratops (@SickTriceratopz) June 27, 2018
KAT SLATER’S ANGRY DANCE
You…WILL NEVUH UNDERSTAND! *thrusts madly in a tiny bolero jacket*
SEX AND THE CITY
The horrendously bad puns. The horrific second movie. Carrie’s dire monologues. The “fashions”. The bit where Miranda almost has to rim a dude and screams IDON’TWANNADOTHAT. Sex and the City grows more and more absurd on every revisit and we will never stop making references to it. OH I LOVE THIS!
TAHITI VILLAGE
Long before his impersonation of Chloe Sevigny took the internet by storm, Drew Droege was doing a rather insane turn as former Bond Girl Tanya Roberts, promoting Las Vegas holiday resort Tahiti Village in a very short timeslot. There’s gargantuan Filipino women, Alan Thicke, flaky ham and confident declarations of devouring fish. We love it so much we started quoting it in any given QX article we’ve ever written since.
CHERYL COLE DIVING OFF A LEDGE
We’d always been in two minds about Cheryl Cole; very pretty, very imitable accent, but relatively crap music and plum coloured hair. Then she walked out onto the stage for Children in Need, did a FUCKING SWAN DIVE off a podium onto six hunky men and then carried on dancing and “singing”. We were converted.
CHERYL COLE COMING BACK FOR THAT NOTE LATER
We can’t remember if this was before or after the FUCKING SWAN DIVE but it certainly cemented our love for Chez. Singing an acoustic rendition of Owl City’s “Fireflies” Cheryl does a full on Sarah Harding and belts out a bum note. Instead of ignoring it though, she chirps “I’ll come back for that note later”. We screamed.
CHERYL COLE BEING SICK IN A BIN
During her Girls Aloud time, Cheryl went on a night out with Nadine Coyle whilst on a world tour. Unfortunately the former Ms Tweedy mixed her drinks and spent the next morning on a tour bus with a raging hangover. She then promptly and loudly vomited into a bin. Nadine felt really responsible but she was not really responsible.
JANE MCDONALD
For years we hadn’t cottoned on to Jane’s utter campness, but “Cruising with Jane McDonald” put paid to that ignorance. Jane goes round the world on boats, badgers the locals, invites herself to their parties, complains about their towns being ugly and then gets drunk. She also examines her cabin and declares “I love a line” and asks every male member of staff if they’re married. The PIECE DE RESISTANCE though is her full on musical number at the end of every travelogue, including “Let It Go” from ‘Frozen’ whilst wearing a white fur hat and emerging from a glacier. Oh and she always gets the wine out.
ERIKA JAYNE’S “ONE HOT PLEASURE”
What is a hot pleasure? Where can we get it? What’s that noise Erika Jayne’s making? The YouTube description for this pop sensation doesn’t answer any of those questions, but what it does offer is; “Erika is singing song, walking down street, enters into nightclub, continues signing (sic) and dancing”. So there you go.
FOOTBALLER’S WIVES
Fit Jase. Tanya Turner. Hazel. Nurse Jeanette. Hermaphrodite babies getting killed by dogs. Tanaya telling Amber to “shove that up your sari”. Fit Jase. What a fucking ridiculous TV show it was. We want it back, NOW.
SARAH HARDING
QX has devoted a lot of time and energy to old Cider Sarah. We’ve loved her, we’ve championed her and we’ve been completely terrified by her during her time on Celebrity Big Brother. She’s got bum notes, ten years of persecution in the industry and, at the time of writing, 151,661 views for her debut single Threads (released July 27th 2015) on Youtube.
So there’s some things that we like and will continue to talk about until someone either kills us or turns off the internet. Check back next week, we may have two more spare pages that we need to fill with utter nonsense.
