We love a witchy man! The sort of man who’d shag you silly then cook you a post-coital meal of batwings and confusion.
Who keeps his poppers in a goblet and his lube in a cauldron. Witchy!
It takes specific qualities to be a witchy. You’ve got to have a certain spooky je ne sais quois. A penchant for excessive accessorising and perhaps a propensity for the occult. WoOoOoO.
DISCLAIMER: We’re not saying they’re actual witches. Just witch-esque! And actually, being “witch-esque” may be appropriation of witch culture. But that’s another thinkpiece for another time.
Jared Leto
Jared is a total witch. He loves gothic jewellery and sanscrit. Therefore he is a witch.
Adam Lambert
He loves a smokey eye, does our Adam. We want him to hold a séance…ON OUR FACE.
Viggo Mortensen
Daddy witch!
Brendon Urie
We ALL had a crush on Brendon Urie when we were fifteen didn’t we. A ridiculously cute emo/goth/rock witch.
Dominic Monaghan
Dominic Monaghan is a total witch. He’s in tune with nature and wears nail polish. That’s witchy enough for us!
Pete Wentz
Remember when Pete Wentz’s dick pics leaked online and they were really very impressive. No? Us neither.
The Raven
The host of a really naff and hilarious kids gameshow, known only as THE RAVEN. What a twerp. We still would though.
Mykki Blanco
HEY MYKKI YOU’RE SO FINE, YOU’RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND. HEY MYKKI! We’ve totes got a crush on Mykki Blanco and he’s very witchy. Legend has it, there’s still a pentagram on one of the toilet cublice doors of Berghain from when he held a séance there.
Brandon Flowers
The lead singer of The Killers is a hot witch, and a lovely and talented person to boot. How do we know this? We once had lunch with him in Five Guys. Stick that in your cauldron and smoke it.
Matt Healy
Matt Healy off of the 1975 is totes a witch and totes adorbs.
