31/10/13: Once the spookiest night of the year, Halloween is now just the sluttiest night of the year and even better it’s the one night that men can go out in high heels and not get stared at when they get the tube from Brixton.
So, with the QX office mainly consisting of sluts and men who quite like high heels, Halloween is obviously our favourite night of the year. We straddled our broomsticks and touched down in Soho, with plans to call in sick on the Friday. The Wicked Witches of the West End were out to have fun and all that was left to decide was whether we’d wake up next to a muscle pirate or a zombie clown.
First stop was The Edge where we salivated over the hot barman – we may not be vampires but a few of us were certainly filled with a craving to suck him dry. Getting hot under the collar we decided to leave before our face paint found itself on our chests. Next stop was Circa, which was so busy the customers were spilling, like blood, onto the street.
We saw sexy vampires and hot zombie sailors and, despite them being dead, we wanted to cart their rotting flesh to our bedrooms. After saying ‘Hey ghoul, hey’ to Munroe Bergdorf we moved onto The Yard.
Here a guy with red eyes gave us the eye, but we’re not into demon sex (unless it’s the full moon) so we moved on to Rupert Street where we bumped into three HOT Manhunt Zombie trick-or-treaters and they gave us a lollipop and a lip balm, but sadly not a kiss.
Then we followed them next door to the Duke of Wellington but ditched them for a gang of vampires who were knocking back tequila, rather than blood, at the bar. By now we were wobbly on our brooms but we soldiered on to Comptons which was overrun with a local werewolf pack – so just a normal night in there then.
At Admiral Duncan we spotted our first (and last) Halloween celebrity who was Jake Canuso (the waiter from ITV’s ‘Benidorm’) and after a quick chat it was off to G-A-Y Bar. In G-A-Y we saw more onesies passed off as Halloween costumes than we saw TV screens.
However, with the £1.60 drinks prices, it wasn’t long before these Primark pyjamas started to resemble real animals. Then Ku Bar, as usual, was full of Kute boys. We spotted a fairy princess, a mummy, many vampires and an Adonis. Although the only scary thing was how drunk we got on the ridiculously generous drink deals.
At Man Bar we salivated over the spooky go-go boys before running down to Charing Cross to go to Halfway to Heaven. But we were so drunk that we literally were halfway to heaven and fifteen minutes later we’re on a night bus to some roman soldier’s flat in Hoxton. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but the morning journey of shame (back to Battersea) dressed as a slutty witch got more than a few uncomfortable stares!
Words by Darren Palfrey
Photos by Mark Storey
